Page 7 of To Go Against Her Heart
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Early the next morning, Darcy departed Netherfield for a ride, aware that his friend was displeased with him. Mr. Bingley seldom disagreed on any matter, yet Darcy could discern his disapproval at the way he had insulted Elizabeth Bennet. Riding into the fields, he pondered how best to rectify his mistake.
I ought to have apologized to her last night. But what was to be done? She departed immediately after our introduction. And yet, should I encounter her again, how am I to justify my conduct without revealing the cause of my ill temper at that moment?
He could not rid himself of the expression in her lovely eyes, and it seemed almost as though she mocked him for the insult he had offered, as his words were utterly unworthy, for he found her to be uncommonly beautiful, even surpassing her sister in charm.
Mindlessly, he galloped up Oakham Mount, and the morning air was clean and crisp. As he reached the top, Darcy spotted someone seated on a ledge, and as he approached the woman, he was shocked to recognize who it was.
As fate would have it, Elizabeth, who had a routine of watching the sunrise every morning on the mount, was equally shocked to see him. She hardly encountered anyone during her morning walk and enjoyed the solitude the mount offered. To encounter Darcy was beyond coincidence, and she immediately stood, not knowing how to react.
Without thought, Darcy dismounted his horse and approached her. He knew not how she might receive his apology, yet Darcy was determined not to allow his pride to stop him this time. He noticed her trying hard to compose herself as he walked up to her,as her hands tightly clasped her bonnet.
“Good morning, Miss Elizabeth,” he said, and the very mention of her name felt strangely comforting.
“Good morning!” she said, not knowing how to avoid him.
“I…I was exploring the mount and my friend mentioned that it had a good view.”
“It does,” Elizabeth replied bluntly.
Darcy took a deep breath and addressed the matter.
“I know not how to approach this subject, but I feel profoundly guilty for my words last evening at the assembly. I wish to offer my sincere apology for what I said. I can offer no justification for my conduct, though a matter of my own vexed me at that moment, and when my friend compelled me to dance with you, I spoke out of irritation. I understand that my words have caused you pain.”
Elizabeth looked surprised by the declaration.
“It is not uncommon for you to speak whatever comes to mind when vexed and it a great luxury, indeed, that men of your status possess, is it not, Mr. Darcy?” she asked, trying to conceal her anger. Up until that moment, she had assumed the comment had not affected her, but somehow, when he apologized for the same, Elizabeth felt as though he pitied her. She was furious with him as he assumed he had the power to hurt her.
“Madam, I assure you, I am not the sort of person to employ my station or wealth to my advantage. I do not wish to defend my conduct; I am sincerely sorry for what I said. You did not deserve such words.”
“You believe you have the power to wound my vanity, sir? I think not. Had another gentleman spoken thus, I might have given it a moment’s thought. But it came from you, one who entered the assembly last evening only to ridicule and diminish our society. I should wish you to spare yourself the trouble of apologizing when your words carry no sincerity.”
Now, Darcy was angry.
“What do you mean? Are you questioning the sincerity of my apology?”
“I am. We were introduced last night, following your kind compliments about my appearance. You might have offered an apology then, yet you chose not to.”
“Please trust me, I wanted to. But we were surrounded by your family, and I could not bring up the subject.”
Elizabeth smiled at him sarcastically.
“That is right; I am certain anyone who stood close to you would have heard your insulting words about me. I understand that you can ridicule someone in public, but your apology must be discreet. I do not doubt that your apology is heartfelt, but I am unable to accept it. What you term as an insult means nothing to me; I have never thought of myself as a beauty, nor have I lived in shame of being only a tolerable woman. Whatever you said—or intend to say in the future—will not affect me,” she said, moving past him, then halted and quickly turned around.
“I wonder what it is that you find among us so beneath your standards, Mr. Darcy? Our society may lack wealthy families or fine manners, but having lived here all my life, I can assure you that no man among my acquaintances would dare to speak of awoman in the way you did,” she said, disappearing down the hill, leaving anastonishedDarcy behind.
Chapter 5
Elizabeth did not care to turn around and see Darcy’s reaction to her final words. She swiftly walked down the hill and did not stop until she reached Longbourn.
Insufferable man! He has the insolence to apologize to me, claiming that his comment hurt my feelings. Who is he to me? I wish I had never gone to the assembly.
She entered the house and ran upstairs to her room. Jane, having just awakened, was puzzled by her sister’s temperament.
“Lizzy, what happened? Why do you look so distressed?” she asked with concern.
“You would not believe whom I encountered in my walk today,” she cried, relating her meeting with Darcy. Jane listened keenly, without interruption.
