Page 45 of To Go Against Her Heart
“What I say now may sound cruel, but I think you are finally getting a taste of your own medicine, Lizzy,” she said, watching Elizabeth frown.
“It is true. You were miserable in the past and continued to be so until a few months ago. You must allow your sister the same liberty.”
“What do you mean by stating until a few months ago?” she asked with irritation.
“Well! You don’t require me to explain, but since you feign ignorance—or perhaps you are not aware of how you have changed, I will explain it to you. Are you the old Lizzy? Well, not quite yet. But the Elizabeth who was heartbroken, miserable, and lost is no longer visible to me.”
“Pray tell me, then, what do you see in me now?”
“I see someone struggling to acknowledge her own change of heart. I am unsure what it is, but something has caused you to forget the man who never cared for you. But you are struggling to acknowledge it, and my only question is, why are you ashamed to do so?”
“I am sorry to disappoint you. I remain unchanged, and nothing can erase the reckless way I surrendered my heart. My actions do not warrant sympathy just because I was deceived. I do not want you to believe me, but this is the truth.”
“You are a most pitiable liar, and I wish you would at least have the decency to spare me from such deceit,” Charlotte remarked with irritation.
The friends conversed for a while, and Charlotte promised to call on her soon. She knew very well that Elizabeth’s change of heart was somehow connected to Darcy and hoped her friend would stop punishing herself.
A week later, the Gardiners arrived in Longbourn on a cold December morning, and Elizabeth was thrilled to see her cousins. She was particularly fond of her sensible and caring aunt, Mrs. Gardiner.
“It is so good to see you, Lizzy, dear, and I can see that you are doing well,” Mrs. Gardiner said, recollecting the happy girl who stayed with her in town the previous year.
“I am so glad to see you all, especially my dearest cousins. I have missed them exceedingly,” Elizabeth exclaimed as the children excitedly surrounded her. Her stay with the Gardiners the previous year had been delightful—until the moment she fell in love. Never had she imagined that the visit would leave her wounded for life.
After breakfast, the children settled in with their cousins, and Elizabeth and Jane found them a welcome diversion. Nevertheless, Mrs. Bennet seemed unable to restrain herself from burdening her brother with her sorrows regarding the failed prospects of marriage for her eldest daughters.
“How could this happen to our family, brother? In Lizzy’s case, she missed getting settled, not once but twice. Can you believe it? I can never forgive her for rejecting Mr. Collins. But my dear Jane, she was used very ill by Mr. Bingley; I neverimagined him to act so prudently,” she cried, and her husband had to warn her to stay off the topic. The day passed quickly, and the Gardiners brought many gifts for the family. Elizabeth thanked her aunt for their generosity.
“I am glad you find them to your liking. Your uncle had the fabric procured from one of his close friends who had a shipment from overseas. I was determined to get the gowns stitched in satin for all of you this time.”
“They are exquisite, and I cannot thank you enough for all the trouble you went through,” she said, and her aunt smiled.
“How have you been, Lizzy?” she asked with concern.
“I am well, and you have nothing to worry about.”
“I am unable to look at you without guilt, and trust me, your uncle suffers in the same manner.”
“None of it was your fault, and honestly, I cannot blame anyone except myself. I cannot allow you or my uncle to bear the burden of my misfortunes. I am no longer affected by the past, I assure you.”
“Even if you are, I know you conceal it very well. I cannot believe Jane is facing the same fate as you.”
“It is indeed unfortunate; everything happened so suddenly. We do not know why Mr. Bingley left in haste, but Jane believes it is to avoid her.”
“It does sound strange indeed, and you are certain he was in love with her?” she asked with doubt.
“After how I judged a man’s sentiments towards myself, I may not be fit to be the judge of Mr. Bingley’s. But I assure you, not one person who witnessed him in her company would believe otherwise. Jane does not deserve this, and if my intuition is right, Mr. Bingley must suffer similarly. I find no way to help her.”
“You said Miss Bingley wrote to her from town?”
“Yes, she did. Even though her words were those of a friend seeking to maintain correspondence, Jane could not help but feel that they exhibited forced civility.”
“What concerns us here is Mr. Bingley, not his sister. If they are able to meet sometime in the future, then everything might be resolved.”
“If he has no intention of returning to Hertfordshire, I wonder how that could ever happen.”
“Why, we live in town. Jane can come with us and call on the Bingleys.”
Elizabeth looked at her aunt and smiled.
