Page 43 of To Go Against Her Heart
“Do not be ridiculous; I mentioned many times that I wanted to leave after the ball.”
“But… not the very next day.”
“Does it matter, Bingley? I wish you well here. However, I do not intend to return to Hertfordshire anytime in the near future. But if you plan on spending Christmas in town, I would be happy to see you there.”
“If you had asked me yesterday, I would have been certain to inform you that I have no intention of leaving Netherfield, but since last evening, I am doubting it. I need you here more than ever, Darcy, as I failed to ascertain if Miss Bennet loves me or not. I have never doubted it before, but since yesterday, I have a feeling that my sisters were right all along. I wonder if she would accept me out of her will.”
“The last matter I want to interfere with now is your personal affairs. I have no say in this, nor can I advise you on how to act. If you love her, you must know the best way to handle this.”
Darcy felt guilty for leaving his friend alone when he openly stated his predicament, but in his current mood, he concluded that he was of no use to Mr. Bingley. His mind was in turmoil, and he was unable to forget her tears. He felt like a coward, leaving without disclosing his heart, but he could not deny her what she wanted from him.
I can never willingly cause her pain, even if the reason is to break her resolve or prove my affection for her. How can I lead my life knowing she will never accept me?
Having witnessed Georgiana’s torment in the past year, it was not difficult for Darcy to understand why Elizabeth wanted to shut her heart to him. He closed his eyes tight, knowing very well that even though he had left Hertfordshire, he had left his heart behind with her.
***
A few days passed after Darcy’s departure, and Elizabeth waited in Oakham Mount in anticipation, just as she had done the previous mornings.
Why is he not here?
She wondered, well aware of the reason, and regretted every word she had said to him. Elizabeth had walked to the mount in anticipation of seeing him there, unaware that Darcy had left Hertfordshire. She knew not how she might offer him an apologywithout encouraging his hopes, but the desire to do so pressed her heart. It pained her that she had treated him with such spite while he had shown nothing but the deepest regard and care for her well-being. Tired of waiting, she returned home in dejected spirits. The past few days in Longbourn had been stressful, irrespective of Mr. Collins’ departure. Mrs. Bennet was upset with Elizabeth and expressed it openly, and she had no choice but to avoid her mother throughout the day. She found Jane seated in their room, who looked incredibly distressed.
“Good Lord! Jane, are you unwell? What has happened?” she asked with despair, alarmed to see her sister in tears. Without speaking, Jane placed a letter in her hand, and Elizabeth hastily perused its contents. While reading the elegantly penned letter, she was astonished to understand that Darcy had taken his leave of Netherfield, and still more bewildered to learn that Mr. Bingley had likewise departed. She read Miss Bingley’s letter repeatedly and could not make any sense of it.
“Jane, I do not understand; why did he leave suddenly?”
“Apparently, to spend time with Miss Darcy during Christmas, and as you can read, the Hursts and Miss Bingley are also leaving today. It is quite evident that they have no plans to return in the near future.”
“This doesn’t make sense; he just hosted a ball and invited all his acquaintances to build a life here. Why would he leave so suddenly?”
“Can you not understand, Lizzy? He must have heard Mamma’s words that evening, and maybe, as Miss Bingley states, he does want to spend time with Miss Darcy. Whatever the reason is, something must have happened at the ball to cause him to leave in haste, and I am certain it is to avoid me.”
“I do not believe it. Trust me, I cannot reveal the particulars, but Miss Darcy may not be interested in matrimony now; that is what I understood from her brother. Something sinister ishappening and I cannot understand why Mr. Bingley would leave in this manner. I am certain he will return.”
“I have no hope. His sisters have already left, and as much as it pains me, I must accept that if he did favor me, something has altered his regard, or maybe his sister has been telling the truth all the while.”
Elizabeth could not see Jane troubled thus. Her thoughts were torn between worry for Jane and regret for the hurt she had caused Darcy, forcing his departure from Hertfordshire once more. She felt utterly foolish to have waited at the mount every morning, unaware that her words had caused him to leave the country. She could not understand what caused Mr. Bingley to leave Netherfield, but Elizabeth was certain that Miss Bingley had a hand in the matter. Mrs. Bennet and the rest of the household were also surprised by the news.
“How much pain can I bear at this age? First, this insolent girl rejects the only suitor she could ever get, and now my dearest Jane has to suffer. When I thought he would arrive in Longbourn to claim her hand, he left without informing any of his friends. I cannot believe this,” Mrs. Bennet cried in agony.
Elizabeth and Jane tried their best to avoid their mother, and Mr. Bennet understood that both his daughters were somehow troubled by the series of events.
“I think your sister is heartbroken, Elizabeth. Unlike you, she is unable to hide her misery,” he said to Elizabeth one evening.
“It is too soon to be heartbroken, Papa. I am certain Mr. Bingley will return.”
“I understand the family has no intention of returning soon, for I encountered the steward in the village today, who confirmed as much.”
“Did he inform you about the reason for their sudden departure?” she asked with curiosity.
“I am afraid it is the same reason we already know. The Bingleys have left to spend Christmas in town, and it is uncertain when they will return.”
Elizabeth was silent and felt helpless when she saw her sister’s state of distress. As Jane struggled to hide her despair, Elizabeth was unable to offer her any form of comfort. After some days, she received another letter from Miss Bingley, written from town, openly declaring they had no plans to return to Netherfield soon.
Jane sobbed, with the letter clutched tightly in her hand, and Elizabeth was horrified to realize that her sister might suffer the sameheartbreakshe had suffered in the past.
Chapter 17
