Page 41 of To Go Against Her Heart
“You really do not consider me a friend? I cannot believe that to be the case, for you would not have attempted to clear my name otherwise.”
“I do not have to consider you as a friend for that. I just acted by judgment and will do so for matters concerning my well-being as well.”
Why are you lying, Elizabeth?
“Forgive me, I do not believe you. Since the moment you arrived in Netherfield to care for your sister, I have observed you. You seem to profess the exact opposite of what you feel towards me, contradicting your own words and actions. Just last evening, you said you forgave me, but now you stand before me, trying to convince me that you detest me. I do not believe a word you say,” he cried, struggling to compose his anger.
“I assume you are not accustomed to honesty, sir; that is why you doubt my words. Yes, I did forgive you for your insult at the assembly, but considering your recent actions, I wish I had not. You seem to ascertain my feelings at your convenience,” she said, suddenly shivering. The air was cold, and though she wore a coat, Darcy could see her trembling. The chill had painted her cheeks a vivid red, and her eyes glistened with unspoken anger.
He immediately removed his coat and offered it to her, but Elizabeth stepped back.
“I do not need it,” she said sharply.
“You are shivering and may fall sick,” he said, his eyes expressing the deepest regard for her welfare.
“Why is it so difficult for you to leave me alone? Why do you care whether I would fall sick, topple down the hill, break my leg, or be condemned by the world for spending time in the libraryalone with a man? What is it to you, Mr. Darcy? Why do you care about someone so wholly unconnected to you?” she cried, unable to control her words.
“Because I am unable to. If I may speak plainly, I have cared about you since the earliest moments of our acquaintance and will do so irrespective of how you feel about me. I don’t think I have the ability to even alter my own feelings in this matter,” he said with resolve.
“If at all you cared about me, you would not make me stand here begging you to leave me alone,” she said with pain, and Darcy was horrified to see tears streaming down her face.
“Miss Elizabeth, I…” She did not allow him to complete his thought and ran down the hill, not wanting to endure his words anymore. Darcy was torn between following her and deserting her as per her wish. He sensed that she cared about him and maybe even loved him, but she could not bring herself to even acknowledge it. Darcy was deeply tormented to witness her struggle, and he at last perceived that her suffering exceeded all he had imagined. Having seen his own sister endure heartbreak, he now understood that Elizabeth suffered in the same manner. Having concluded that Georgiana was easily deceived because of her age and innocence, he could not assume the same about Elizabeth.
She is too intelligent to fall for flattery or lies. He must have earned her love and trust and betrayed her later. No wonder she does not want to give me a chance. Maybe she can never trust me.
Darcy’s conscience pricked him. All the while, he was intent on acting on his feelings, yet he never considered that she was not in a position to reciprocate his sentiments. The tears he witnessed in her eyes proved to him that instead of soothing her grief, his actions had tormented her even more, forcing her to face her past agony through him.
I cannot allow her to suffer because of me. All I want is for her to be happy. If my attempts to win her heart only serve to torture her, then I have failed miserably.
He decided to leave Netherfield immediately. Though he knew he could never forget her, Darcy was sure he could not force her to endure his presence and sentiments. All that mattered to him at that moment was to avoid being the cause of Elizabeth’stears.
Chapter 16
Elizabeth stormed towards Longbourn, fighting hard to control her tears. Until the moment Darcy confessed that he could never stop caring about her, she was certain that she did not love him. But his words, the emotion in his eyes, mirrored the sentiments that resonated in the depth of her heart, and she struggled to acknowledge the same now. She was certain it was not the same feeling she experienced when Mr. Harrington proposed. Elizabeth had taken a day to give him an answer after careful thought about her regard for him, but now, she did not doubt what she felt towards Darcy. She understood that she truly loved everything about him, every imperfection that made him perfect in her eyes. But she could not go down that path as she knew she could never forget the past and live a life with him, erasing every memory of the same sentiments she had borne towards another man.
He does not deserve to be attached to me, someone who is so vulnerable, wounded, and incapable of loving him in the way he deserves.
She rushed into Longbourn, wanting to meet her father. Suddenly, she was determined to end Mr. Collins’ stay there. To her disappointment, her father was neither in his study nor in the library. Just then, Mrs. Hill informed Elizabeth that her mother wished to see her.
Elizabeth entered the parlor in no mood to converse with her mother, but to her alarm, she saw her seated with Mr. Collins.
“There she is, my beautiful girl. The morning walk adds to her beauty, doesn’t it, Mr. Collins?” Mrs. Bennet asked with pride,and Elizabeth interrupted before Mr. Collins could start his thoughts on the subject.
“Mamma! Were you looking for me?” she asked, eager to leave the room.
“Yes, yes! Mr. Collins wants to speak with you, my dear, and he informed me that…”
“I do not wish to,” she replied bluntly.
“Lizzy! What has gotten into you? I say you listen to Mr. Collins. He has been waiting patiently for all this while,” her mother cried and left the parlor.
Elizabeth looked at the man who stood before her and fumed. She knew he was the main reason for her anger against Darcy.
“What do you wish to say to me?” she asked after her mother left them, wanting to put an end to the matter.
“Well, by now, we should have been engage… I mean, I was not allowed to convey my intentions last night as we were interrupted by Mr. Darcy. Though untimely, I would not dare to disrespect him in any way for his interference. I am certain he had no idea that he was interrupting a very private moment between two people who...”
“Mr. Collins, I have no intention of wasting your time and mine as well. I have some urgent business with my father.”
