Page 40 of To Go Against Her Heart
“I do not think so. I did not spot him seated for supper.”
“But there is a possibility that he could have been around, and if he had heard Mamma, what would he have thought about me?”
“No matter what happened tonight, you did nothing wrong. Mamma’s words do not represent you.”
“But I created a scene among all our friends; I cannot believe I lacked composure when I needed it the most,” Jane said with shame.
“Please do not be harsh on yourself. No one acquainted with you can find you at fault, especially Mr. Bingley. Now tell me what his sister said to upset you.”
“Right before the fourth set, she voluntarily walked up to me and conversed as I stood with Mrs. Hurst. She mentioned thatMr. Darcy usually spends Christmas at his estate in Derbyshire, but because of the likely engagement that is to take place between her brother and Miss Darcy, they plan to stay in London. She mentioned how delighted they were to welcome her into the family, and Mrs. Hurst praised the young lady to a great extent. Please do not think I am jealous about another woman winning his affection, but I do not understand why he showed me such undoubted partiality until this evening.”
“You are jumping to conclusions, Jane. As far as I know, Miss Darcy is too young to be engaged; you need to trust me in this matter. In my understanding of Mr. Darcy’s words that morning, I am certain his sister is not inclined to get married anytime soon.”
“How could there be no truth if both sisters carry the same story? Could they be so cruel as to spread such lies to detach me from him? They must be aware of the consequences, don’t they?”
“I am certain they are trying their luck as they may be confident that you would never ask anything about this to Mr. Bingley. The only way to react to their lies is to act unaffected by the same.”
“It is easy for you to say, Lizzy. The very thought of Mr. Bingley deceiving me pains me beyond measure. You probably cannot understand how it feels to…” She stopped abruptly, seeing Elizabeth smile.
“Good heavens! That was so cruel of me, and I cannot imagine what made me say such a hurtful thing to you. How could I ever forget what you went through?”
“Do not apologize; no matter what I went through, I cannot disparage your pain now. But please understand that this will be temporary because I am certain once you ignore Miss Bingley’s words, she will have no choice but to give up the pursuit of separating you both,” Elizabeth assured. The sisters went to sleep that night feeling exhausted. However, Elizabeth woke upin the middle of the night with a recurring dream that she hated to revisit during the day. She had been tortured by the same for many weeks now and struggled to erase it from her memory. It was a dream about Darcy, and nothing about it made sense to her.
….. “Would you like me to turn pages for you?” he asked, looking into her eyes with love.
“If you wish to.”
“I would never miss a chance to sit next to my wife and admire her in close proximity.”
“I warn you that I will hold you in contempt if you fail to assist me and I end up embarrassing myself by faltering in my performance.”
“Trust me, no matter the situation, no one could find fault in your music.”
“You are a convincing liar, Mr. Darcy, not that I do not enjoy it,” she said with a smile.
As they sat together in what seemed like a music room in his estate….
Whenever she experienced the dream, she awoke with a jolt, as it seemed so real, yet beyond reasoning.
I have no regard for him, and how could I have feelings for any man, let alone Mr. Darcy?She was utterly mortified to think that her heart gave way to him so easily after being tortured brutally in the past.
What sort of woman am I to fall in love again, not even a year after a broken engagement?she asked herself in horror. All these weeks she had brushed aside the matter, but this morning, she was resolved to put an end to it. She wanted to end everything Darcy was doing to her, and Elizabeth doubted if he was even aware of how she felt in his presence. She was also confident that her own sentiments would alter should he stay away or care less about her welfare.
At the break of dawn, as chilly as it was, Elizabeth headed out for a walk, and this time, somehow, her intuition told her that she would meet him at the mount. Every step she took that morning, she walked with determination to bring closure to whatever she felt in her heart. She could not name the feeling, but it was a helpless torment she felt around him.
She was certain that her life would return to normalcy if she could persuade him to distance himself from her. She reached the top, saton the ledge, and did not have to wait long. A quarter hour later, the sound of a rider reached her—the rhythmic gallop of his horse was etched in her memory. Elizabeth turned around and saw Darcy dismount his horse, and from his expression, she was certain that he had ridden with the same intention of seeing her. She did not wait for him to approach her, instead, she confidently walked up to him.
Darcy’s horse seemed to sense the tension among them and grunted.
“I hoped to find you here this morning,” he said, his eyes scanning every feature of her face, and Elizabeth strived to keep the conversation short.
“Trust me, Mr. Darcy, I walked up here with the same intention, and I do not intend to discuss anything about what happened yesterday.”
“But I wish to. I acted out of concern, and beyond that, I have no intention to interfere in your personal affairs.”
“But you did, and I do not understand what made you think that I needed to be rescued from Mr. Collins or anyone else in the matter. I have no wish to waste your time. I have always lived by my own will and never begged for anyone’s care or concern in this world. If I somehow gave you the impression that I consider you a friend or someone who has the liberty to interfere in my life, please understand now, I forbid you from doing so,” she said with composure, but her voice expressed anger and agony.
Darcy fought hard not to pull her into his arms and declare his love. He knew very well that she would reject him if he did so, but it took every resolve on his part not to venture down that lane.
