Page 36 of To Go Against Her Heart
“Not at all, sir. I had intended to walk; otherwise, the morning would have passed with little diversion.”
“It is such a pleasant morning for a walk, is it not, Darcy? Would you mind if we joined you?” Mr. Bingley asked, and Elizabeth agreed. Sensing that the rest of the sisters were not interested in the same, Elizabeth and Jane accompanied the men for a stroll in the garden. As Darcy offered her his arm, she noticed the relief in his face to leave the room.
If at all he feels so restless to spend merely ten minutes here, what made him take the trouble to accompany his friend?she thought as they headed out to the gardens.
“I am certain you were not inclined to walk just in the gardens,” he mentioned as they were out of the house.
“I planned to walk to Lucas Lodge,” she replied, still keeping her eyes on the path. Jane and Mr. Bingley walked ahead of them.
“I assume you no longer find Oakham Mount to your liking, or one could say you have found other trails that entice your outdoor pursuits,” Darcy said, and she looked at him with shock.
“Why would you assume that, Mr. Darcy?”
“I have not had the pleasure of meeting you there in the past week. Honestly, I am beginning to think you choose to avoid it—indeed, to avoid me,” Darcy said openly, amazed at his own courage.
“If you believe I would give you or any other gentleman the power to alter my routine or dissuade me from an exercise Ienjoy the most, then you are wrong. Did it ever occur to you that I could have walked there at a later hour because the air is chilly in the mornings?” she asked, returning his gaze with confidence.
“I assure you that thought did not cross my mind,” he replied, knowing very well that she was lying, whereas Elizabeth struggled to compose herself.
“And why would you think that I want to avoid you?” she asked, unable to resist her curiosity.
“I do not know. That is something you need to help me understand.”
“There is nothing to understand or explain. If I wanted to avoid you at all, I would not be walking with you now. I hope this answers your concerns,” she said.
“It does,” he said with a smile, and just then, Mr. Collins joined them. He expressed his deepest regret for being absent in welcoming Darcy to Longbourn.
“I must extend my humble apologies for being unable to welcome you to this estate, Mr. Darcy. I understand from Mrs. Bennet that it is the first time you have paid a visit here. As the future owner of Longbourn, eventhough I would consider the probability of me taking over the estate in the near future very low, considering Mr. Bennet’s excellent health. I must indeed give credit to my fair cousin, Miss Elizabeth, in taking utmost care of her father’s health.”
Mr. Bingley and Darcy looked shocked by how Mr. Collins casually mentioned the entailment.
“Mr. Collins, I wish you would be considerate with your choice of words. I am appalled at your ability to upset your own relations while staying as a guest in their house,” Darcy cried with irritation, and Elizabeth noticed that his entire demeanor had stiffened.
Once again, Mr. Collins was devastated to have upset Darcy and went on to apologize for the rest of their visit. Darcy and Mr.Bingley left Longbourn with much irritation, as Mr. Collins had ruined their entire visit.
“I cannot believe you are already acquainted with him, Darcy. I have not been so irritated in my entire life,” Mr. Bingley mentioned once they returned to Netherfield.
“Believe me, I limit my interaction with him while in Kent. I cannot believe how easily he mentioned taking over their estate, and I must admire the remarkable composure Miss Bennet and her sister exhibited today.”
“Though the subject makes me uncomfortable to discuss, Mrs. Bennet hinted that he was to be their son-in-law.”
“Good Lord!” Darcy cried, his thoughts racing to Elizabeth.
“Yes, she mentioned that he favors Miss Elizabeth; the very thought is horrendous.”
“Of course it is. I cannot believe this, and I wonder what made Mr. Collins believe she would favor him. He has quite lost his senses.”
“I am certain that he has, and I hope he leaves as planned after the ball; I cannot stand his presence in Longbourn. He hindered my conversation with Jane…I mean Miss Bennet today, wishing to acquaint me with the recent alterations your aunt had proposed at the parsonage.”
Darcy retired to bed that night, worn out by the obstacles before him when he considered winning Elizabeth’s regard. More than anything else, he understood that the most formidable obstacle was breaking the wall she had built around her heart.
***
A day before the ball, Elizabeth walked up to Oakham Mount with the same anticipation she had in the previous days. Somehow, she wanted to prove Darcy wrong and meet him there, not wanting to give in to the fact that he had understood her predicament and actions so easily. But to herdisappointment, she never saw him there. Elizabeth gradually came to realize that he occupied her thoughts all day, and she found it remarkable that the anguish of her past relationship had slowly faded over time. She could not deny that Darcy was the singular cause of this change.
She no longer detested him for his insult but detested him for making her question her own resolve in life. Elizabeth had no doubts about his sentiments towards her; she could see it in his eyes.
He must be aware of my past; I am certain he knows. How could he still favor me, knowing very well that I cannot return his feelings?she wondered. As she returned home, she desperately wished both Darcy and Mr. Collins would leave Hertfordshire after the ball.
