Page 82 of The Governess of My Heart
Elizabeth looked at him calmly, unable to comprehend his behavior. He suddenly stopped and walked a few steps closer to her.
“In vain have I struggled, and it will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I love and admire you,” Darcy said as he watched her face turn red with embarrassment and shock.
“Almost from the earliest moments of our acquaintance, I have come to feel a most passionate admiration and regard for you. Do not think I am ignorant of your dislike of me. But I hope you can look past our initial animosity, as you know my heart now. I love you most sincerely, and all I ask you is for you to consider my proposal. I do not want an answer right away. But please trust me; I have nothing but admiration, love, and respect for you since the day we met.”
Elizabeth was shocked to hear his declaration.
“You must be jesting,” she cried with irritation.
“I do not jest, and it hurts me that you would think me to be so reckless to joke about my feelings.”
“Your feelings, sir, alarm me. Pray, tell me, how long have you known me?”
Darcy was silent.
“If you cannot find an answer, let me make it easy; a few months. I am amazed that you have feelings for someone in such a short time.”
“When it comes to what I feel for you, I do not think I need to weigh something so irrelevant as the duration of our acquaintance. Every moment I spent with you has made me fall in love with you more and more.”
Darcy saw the evident anger on her face.
“Me? A governess?” she asked him in a challenging tone.
“Yes, you. The only woman who looked at me as a man with flaws and not as the master of Pemberley.”
“What do you even know about me, sir? Are you even aware of anything about me other than me being an employee here?”
“I may not know anything about your past. All I know is that I cannot imagine my future without you. You told me frankly about your dislike for me, but I still cannot believe you hate me.”
“So, you say I lied to you. What gain am I to get by doing that? Do you believe that you could marry me and live happily?”
“Yes, I do.”
“And you did not hesitate even for a moment because of my status in society while you were contemplating your so called “feelings”?”
“I would be lying if I said I did not think of it; however, it does not matter to me. Your status as a governess does not make you less worthy. You have impressed me in a way no woman ever has, and all I care about is your consent, out of your free will.”
“My consent? You are too hasty, sir. You do not understand me as I do not intend to get married or live a life different from what I am living now. I understand you perfectly. You think you are saving me from misery by offering for me, which is indeed noble of you. But I cannot accept you. I wonder how you could imagine anything good coming out of your declaration after I expressed my opinion of you explicitly. I hope your feelings of pity will pass soon and you can look at me as an employee of Ashton Park and nothing more. As for me, I will try to endure your presence whenever I need to, giving myself the burden of forgetting your proposal. Though you say you did not care for my status in society, you must be sensible enough to know how uncomfortable you have made my life here after your declaration. I have nothing more to say to you.”
Darcy did not utter a word and looked at her intently. Though he had not anticipated her instant acceptance, he hoped she would understand the depth of his feelings, but what she declared now astonished him.
He had seen enough of her anger in the past to know the difference in her voice and tone. In the words she uttered at present, there was an evident hint of sadness and guilt disguised in anger. Her eyes were moist, and she was about to burst into tears. The last thing he wanted was to leave the room while she was crying, and he very well knew he would never be able to. Hedid not trust himself to walk away from the woman he valued so much in life while she was in distress.
“I understand you perfectly, madam. Forgive me for taking so much of your time,” he said and left her, taking one last look at her before he opened the door.
The moment the door closed, Elizabeth collapsed into the chair, unable to believe what had transpired between them.
Chapter 26
Darcy rode on without knowing in which direction he went, and his horse seemed to sense his temperament and resonated ruthlessly in its gallop.
That morning, he had started to Ashton Park with no intention of proposing to Elizabeth.
He had not expected to find her alone, but the moment she mentioned her travel, he poured out his heart in a sudden rush of emotion, unable to let her leave.
He knew she would not accept him immediately, but he hoped she would consider his proposal. But now, he felt utterly lost.
She does not respect me. She does not love me and has no regard for me. How could I have been so blind in love? How could I have fallen for someone who does not want to consider my proposal?
