Page 186 of The Governess of My Heart
“So, you state that people can commit mistakes without intention and deserve forgiveness?”
“I do, but there are exceptions,” she said in a low voice, well aware of whom he referred to, as they sat, breaking their fast in one of the inns.
Georgiana was also thrilled to hear the news, and it was a couple of days into their journey to Derbyshire.
It was painful for Darcy to watch the discomfort between Elizabeth and her father while they were in each other’s company. Elizabeth tried to find an opportunity to have the conversation she wanted to have with Lord Anderson during their travel but could not do so. Something had changed in how Elizabeth felt toward him, but she was unwilling to acknowledge it. She was not confident in her own resolve to converse with him and explain her stance on their relationship. Now, she had only one day left before they reached their destination and decided to seek Darcy’s help in the matter.
“Fitzwilliam, please, I need your help as I cannot say this to him,” she pleaded.
Darcy was shocked by her request.
“Do you want me to ask him to leave before our wedding?”
Elizabeth was silent, and Georgiana, who was a part of their conversation, was also troubled by Elizabeth’s words. According to her, Elizabeth could not hurt anyone, let alone her father.
“He plans to stay for your wedding, and he understands your sentiments in the matter and is under the assumption that Mr. Gardiner will walk you down the aisle. Lord Anderson understands that you do not want him to be involved in the ceremony but asking him not to attend our wedding is beyond imagination. Honestly, I did not expect this from you,” Darcy said with distress.
“What did you expect from me? You expect me to accept him as my father and accept everything he wants to do for me. There is no reason he should stay for our wedding. He has a family of his own and has nothing to do with me. Whatever he wanted to prove has been proved about the past which is why he accompanied us to town. Now, there is no reason for him to stay for our wedding, and it is better for everyone, especially his family.”
“We cannot judge what is good for him or dictate his sentiments toward our wedding. If you think I can break that poor man’s heart by asking him not to attend his daughter’s wedding, then I am sorry. I could never do that. What I don’t understand is that you have always been open about your hatred towards him; you have argued, reasoned, and spoken to him without any guilt of hurting him until now. If you want to tell him this, I don’t think you will have any scruples in doing so; why don’t you do it by yourself?” he asked.
“I just cannot,” Elizabeth replied, and Darcy knew very well why.
It is because, in your heart, you have forgiven him, and you are struggling to acknowledge that you want to accept him as your father.
“Lizzy, please do not do this. I stayed with Lord Anderson most of the time in the house; and he seemed truly sorry for his past actions. I cannot imagine how he would feel if you asked him to avoid your wedding.”
“Just imagine how awkward it would be if he attends. He shall be forever at odds with his wife and daughter, who already hate me. His life is with them, and while I have no regard for him, he wastes time trying to change my mind.”
“You seem to care about him, and I think that is why you are thinking about his well-being,” Georgiana pointed out, much to Elizabeth’s shock.
“No, I do not; I simply find his presence unnecessary and his expectations about us a waste of time,” she said and looked at Darcy.
“I cannot be your advocate in this, Elizabeth. I am sorry,” he said.
She sighed and realized that no matter how difficult it was, she would convince Lord Anderson to stay away from her life.
But in her heart, she knew that as difficult as it was to acknowledge him as her father at her wedding, it would be even more challenging to watch him attend the same as a stranger.
They were to reach Ashton Park the following day, and Elizabeth decided to speak with him before supper. Lord Anderson was surprised by the request.
“May I ask what this is about?” he asked Darcy.
“I think she wants to speak with you regarding the wedding; she is waiting in the parlor,” Darcy said.
From the look on Darcy’s face, Lord Anderson was certain that whatever the conversation was about was of a serious nature.
Elizabeth stood in the private parlor adjacent to her room, anticipating Lord Anderson’s arrival. She tried to compose herself and resolved to keep the conversation short.
When Lord Anderson entered the room, she held on to the chair for support. Neither of them said a word for a couple of minutes, each studying the expression of the other and trying to read the other’s mind.
“Mr. Darcy said that you wished to speak to me,” Lord Anderson said.
“Yes…yes, I did,” she replied, and he waited for her to continue.
“I do not want to revisit the past, assess what happened in the past few weeks, or discuss anything that would result in only pain for both of us. I understand from Fitzwilliam that you plan on attending our wedding,” she said.
“Yes, I do,” he replied.
