Page 178 of The Governess of My Heart
“Elizabeth, I do not know what to say; I am truly sorry,” he said.
“What else did we expect to hear from Mrs. Lewis? She merely confirmed all our doubts. I cannot tell you how I feel to have loved a woman who was responsible for my mother’s sufferings.”
Darcy looked at her with pity.
“She will pay for what she did, I assure you. Are you willing to accompany us to Hertfordshire? I do not want to press you if you feel uncomfortable.”
“Is he accompanying us?”
“Yes, Lord Anderson will be staying at Netherfield, and Georgiana will also join us, depending upon your decision.”
“However hard it might be, I need to be there. I owe it to my mother, and I am not scared to confront them, as I have you with me,” she said.
They were interrupted by the arrival of Lord Anderson, and Elizabeth was not in the mood to converse with him.
“Mr. Darcy, I request a few minutes to speak with Eliz… Miss Smith, if she allows me to.”
Darcy looked at Elizabeth and expected her to disagree, but to his surprise, she nodded.
He took the children and left the room.
“What is it that you wish to say to me?” Elizabeth asked him.
Lord Anderson was silent; he stared at her with his eyes expressing sorrow and guilt.
“Let me make this easier for you: I cannot accept your apology, even though the letters were forged and my mother was deceived by her sibling. I understand you had your share of burdens — a father who disapproved of your marriage and a mother on her deathbed. Say what you will, but none will justify what you did. Love blossoms with trust; without trust,there could be nothing between a man and a woman. My mother trusted you with her heart and with her honor. But what did you do? Did you even love her enough to trust her character? I do not think so. There is no use apologizing to me, sir; nothing can, and nothing will change my heart in this matter. You are as guilty as the people who raised me; please do not waste your time.”
“I have no intention of apologizing to you for what I did to Sarah. I apologize for how I treated you since that night in Pemberley. Even though you did not know who your mother was, you trusted her character. However, I knew and loved her but allowed situations and manipulations to plague my heart and judgment. What I did was unforgivable. I only want to say that I am genuinely sorry for what you have been going through in your life because of my past actions. I assure you that from now on, I will not be responsible for your unhappiness or discomfort in any way.”
“You knew nothing about me; I don’t blame you for not believing my words. All that matters to me is how you gave up on a woman who did nothing wrong but love you. I neither need your apology nor your assurance; neither matter to me,” she cried.
Lord Anderson took a few steps forward and walked closer.
You resemble Sarah with the same intelligence, strength, and character. How could I not be a part of your life?
Elizabeth wished he would leave her alone. As much as she despised him, she was beginning to feel a sense of warmth in his presence, which she did not want to experience even in a minute way.
Lord Anderson’s eyes fell on the drawings she was teaching her cousins; he had also seen Elizabeth’s art at Ashton Park.
He picked a couple of them and stood admiring her work.
“Did my mother draw?” Elizabeth asked, then immediately cursed her lapse.
Lord Anderson looked at her with a longing and walked away, not answering her question.
Suddenly, he turned around and looked at her.
“No, she did not, but I do,” he said and left the room.
Chapter 51
As the carriage entered the countryside of Hertfordshire, Elizabeth felt a wave of emotion pass through her. Georgiana was worried when she saw her expression.
“Lizzy, are you all right?” she asked with concern.
“Yes, I am well. I just recollected how I left my home many months ago; it seems like an eternity has passed,” she said.
Darcy sat in the opposite seat, fervently hoping he had made the right decision by bringing her along; nothing mattered to him more than her happiness and welfare.
