Page 52 of Is This for Real?
“Not if you’re Rory and you can’t commit. Mr. ‘Nothing is going to be as perfect as my parents’ marriage.’ Now he’s going to lose you, too.”
My breath hitches. I keep my eyes down so she can’t see she’s affected me. Just keep lathering that soap and rinsing my hands under the warm water. I steal a look at her and she’s twisting her ring. I ask, “Why did you break up with him?”
“I didn’t break up with him because I wanted to. I gave him an ultimatum—either we get engaged or we break up. He said he wasn’t ready. I broke up with him. I am not wasting my time if he’s not sure.” She rubs her eyes. “But now I miss him. Maybe I was too . . . I don’t know. It was really good in the beginning.” She shrugs. “Take that for what it’s worth. I shouldn’t be giving advice to you.”
“I’m sorry.” I feel like I should hug her, but that would be weird.
She straightens. “Well, we’ll see how you guys work out. Rory wasn’t afraid to tell his dad about us.” She walks past me and into the stall.
I leave the dark room quickly. Rory never said she wanted to get engaged. I joked that he had commitment issues, but I didn’t really think that he did. Why would Rory be afraid to tell his dad about us? I shake my head.We’re not even dating. I keep forgetting it’s not real.
Rory is waiting by the front door of the restaurant, leaning against the wall, talking to his mom. I walk over to him, and he takes my hand. We say goodbye. His mom regards our clasped hands but doesn’t say anything.
We walk out.
I glance at Rory. “Why are we holding hands?”
“I wanted to.” Rory smiles at me. “I missed holding your hand.”
Rory’s hand around mine feels solid and comforting. We walk to the subway station. Rory would take a cab home, but he knows that I bike or take the subway, given my finances. He used to offer to pay for my cab the rest of the way, but I’d never accept, and so now he takes the subway with me.
Only a few people are standing on the platform as the train pulls in. We sit in a nearly empty subway car. I lean against Rory, and he puts his arm around me. This feels more like old times, coming home after a night of dancing.
“I’m sorry my dad put you on the spot.”
“I’m actually pleased he did. I’m glad I asked the question.” I nod. “Did you get a chance to tell your parents we weren’t dating?”
“I was planning to tell them I told Callie we were dating to deter her, but then I could just hear my father saying in his psychologist voice, ‘Why did you feel the need to do that? Why can’t you tell the truth to Callie?’ Now I don’t know what to do. I almost told my mom at the end there, but we were talking about the show anyway.” Rory rubs his face. He glances at me. “I did tell Callie I wasn’t in love with her anymore. But she said that once you’re in love with someone, you don’t get over them. Do you think that’s true?”
“I think there’s always a little piece of your heart that loves them, but it’s not your whole heart. I definitely think you can fall out of love.”I may not have entirely succeeded yet, but I don’t want to be in love with Jamie anymore. I want to be in love with someone who’s in love with me.
“I’m not feeling that piece right now. I don’t know why she wanted to go tell everybody we were dating.”
I don’t know, either. It does seem counter to her strategy to win him back. “She said you broke up with her. Because you wouldn’t commit.”
“It wasn’t working at the end. It was too much about her and this ‘perfect’ life we had to lead. Which wasn’t my idea of a perfect life. I don’t need to be out at every function. I can’t even do that. I work late hours. And I definitely have no desire to be in the society pages, whereas Callie would love that. I wasn’t going to commit to something that wasn’t working. And you probably heard the dig about ‘revolving doors’ when we were at The Met. It was like that constantly at the end.”
He’s not getting back together with Callie. I take a breath. “So, about Thursday night—”
He cuts me off. “I’m sorry. You were right. I certainly don’t want to risk our friendship. Man, Callie was all over me today about my ‘commitment’ issues and how surprised she was that I was dating you. But maybe she’s right and I’m not good at forever. She’s right about my track record. A year or two and I’m out. Thanks for keeping a clear head.”
My stomach sinks. I’ve missed my chance. But I don’t want a fling.
The subway pulls into the Chambers Street station. He jumps up to make his stop, saying goodbye.
Rory isn’t interested in anything more than friendship with me. We’ve been friends for years with nothing happening. Except that I feel flickers flaming when we’re dancing or competing against each other in minigolf or billiards. I sigh. But then I remember his glance when my skirt hiked up. And when our lips almost touched in a kiss. And his smoldering glance when we were lying next to each other in our snowball tussle. I’m not the only person feeling that electric charge. But he’s not willing to try dating me. He’s the one who suggested we fake date. Not me.
The train is still sitting in the station. Stuck.
The conductor says, “We’re being held momentarily by the train dispatcher. We should be moving shortly.”
The passengers all look at one another, annoyed. I check my email once I realize that I have reception. An email from Maya pops up. What if this is an offer? My body warms as if I’m standing on a precipice. I’d be so happy with even some feedback and a request for a revised version.
To: Penelope
From: Maya
Thank you for sending meMidnight Masquerade. I’m afraid that I didn’t connect with your writing the way I had hoped to. More tension is needed. It’s too easy for your protagonist. More needs to go wrong. But this is a very subjective business, so another agent might feel differently. I wish you the best with your writing career.
