Page 38 of Is This for Real?
Tabitha and Aarav, each carrying a coffee, join us at the table; they say hello and shed their coats. Tabitha puts down her bag and pulls out a pile of clipped papers. Aarav is carrying a folder with our chapters under his arm. He puts it down on the table.
“I’ll call you later,” I say to Esther.
As if by mutual agreement, we don’t discuss it in front of Tabitha. Tabitha and Esther often argue about the merits of self-publishing vs traditional publishing, while Aarav and I sit on the sidelines. Tabitha is committed to holding out for a traditional publishing deal, while Esther self-published one book with modest success and then found a home at a digital publisher.
Aarav is wearing a dark-blue, buttoned-up peacoat; he looks rather spy-like in keeping with the characters in his books. It’s the perfect look for his author’s photo on the back cover of a book jacket. I tell him that and he laughs.
Maria arrives last in a flurry of scarves and a long, swirling coat. She’s attractive, probably late thirties, polished, wavy, brown hair. She snaps her fingers and says she’ll just go order a coffee.
Five minutes later, Maria is back with her order. Tabitha introduces us all and asks Maria to tell us a little bit about herself. Maria explains that she’s always wanted to write her own novel. She even worked as an editor’s assistant in her twenties. Everyone leans forward. It’s like she has the secret wisdom to explain why we’ve been getting rejected by agents (even if that job was ten years ago).
“Can I start first with my critiques?” Maria asks, rubbing her hands together. She pulls out a clipboard from her Louis Vuitton briefcase.
Tabitha nods.
Maria starts with mine. “Yours was so light and frothy, easy to read. I don’t usually read romantic comedies—a little too superficial for my tastes—but I enjoyed it.”
I am aiming for light and frothy, but my romantic comedy has some substance.
She continues, “But I just don’t see the need/desire in this at all. It’s just funny banter. It doesn’t seem to be moving the plot along. You need to remember goal and motivation. I don’t see it. And I don’t find your protagonist emotionally engaging enough.” She hands the chapter to me.
Ouch.Everyone else leans back, too, as if they have ventured closer to a fire to feel its warmth and the flames have suddenly leapt out.
Okay, the customer is always right, so this is good. This will make my novel stronger.“So, in that chapter, her goal is to spend time with him to persuade him that they should date because she likes him, without asking him out directly—in case he doesn’t like her back. Doesn’t that qualify as the need/desire and the goal/motivation?” I ask. I don’t want to appear defensive, but I also want to understand her comments. And as a single woman sporadically out in the dating world, I think this scenario has substance, even if it’s not about to create world peace.
Maria takes a sip of her water. “That’s the whole issue. Why doesn’t she just ask him outright? Remember, it’s not a real conflict if you can just talk about it and resolve it. And that’s probably why I don’t find the protagonist compelling. She’s weak.” Maria taps her pen against her clipboard with the other chapters. “Shall we move on?”
I sit back. Well, there’s that. My protagonist could just ask him straight out, but the whole point is that she doesn’t want to be vulnerable first. Maria’s point about finding her weak is valid.
“We usually all give comments on one piece at a time,” Tabitha says. The others give their comments, which are more positive. Aarav tells me he laughed out loud at several points. That’s the gold I’m seeking. I feel better, but I can’t help dwelling on Maria’s point, even though Esther says the goal and motivation are clear and I should keep the chapter. Maria’s eyes narrow.
We discuss Aarav’s novel next. Maria’s commentary is light, and I agree with it. So maybe that means she’s onto something with my novel. And me. Maybe I should be more forthright with Rory. I should ask him if his desire to kiss me was a momentary buzzed blip or if it signified something more.
We turn to Tabitha’s submission. Maria is quite complimentary. In fact, I feel like I am being too critical. Maria disagrees with my comments and says that it’s fine the way it is. Tabitha smiles at me and says she will think about it. Tabitha has gotten the most nibbles from agents. She has one agent right now who has asked for a rewrite but seems keen to sign her.
We all discuss Maria’s work and give our usual constructive criticism. I don’t tell her I think it’s too edgy for a cozy mystery because I don’t actually read that genre—yet.
Next up is Esther. Her book is about female friendship. This time, Maria waits to comment until everyone has given their feedback.
“I think you need another antagonist to propel the book along. The dynamic between the two sisters and their best friends is good, but it’s not compelling enough. We’ve seen this trope done before, so it calls for an added twist. And I like the way you were experimenting with developing different voices in your dialogue.”
Experimenting? Esther has been writing this for years. It’s past the experimental stage. Esther’s eyes widen. Two pink spots of color dot her cheeks.
“Another antagonist is something to consider,” she replies. “Did you find the voices different?”
“Yes,” Maria says.
I want Esther to say, in attorney mode, “No further questions, then.” But she just nods.
I chime in, “Your dialogue is so realistic, and the voices are very different. I know who’s talking without the dialogue tags.” I sound fawning. I’m not helping the situation. But it’s true. Esther smiles at me, saying thanks.
We schedule our next meeting and disperse.
The air is cold outside. I zip up my jacket and stick my hands in my pockets to keep them warm. I’ll have to find my gloves when I get home.
Suddenly, Maria is next to me. “I didn’t want to say this in front of the others, but I feel like you’re skating on the surface of emotions in your writing. I mean, what does she feel? She clearly likes him. Isn’t she freaking frustrated that he doesn’t see that she’s perfect—like he should be on his knees, begging her to date him? Not playing patty-cake with some fake dating scheme?”
I look at her in surprise. “Yes, she’s frustrated. But he isn’t throwing himself at her feet, so there’s a good chance she’s going to get her heart crushed if she tells him her feelings.”
