Page 23 of Is This for Real?
He turns on the warm, white light in the corner of his living room as we enter his apartment. It’s cold. He closes the windows. I take off my jacket, putting it on the back of a dining room chair, but leave my hat on. I stand there, uncertain for a moment. As he closes the shades, the room feels more intimate, smaller. His wavy hair is a bit disheveled.I want to dishevel it more.
My phone rings.
I answer the phone. “Jamie, what’s up?”
“Mom had a heart attack,” he says.
I stop breathing. “What? When? Where is she?”
“She’s at Weill Cornell. She was closing up the store and didn’t feel well, so she got herself in a cab and directed it to the hospital. She called me on the way.”
Tears well up. I couldn’t take it if Jamie’s mom died, too. She’s like a second mom to me. “Is she okay? Can I come see her?” I sink into the couch.
Rory is looking at me, concerned. I whisper that Theresa had a heart attack. He comes over, sits next to me, and puts his arm around me.
“She’s sleeping now. She wanted me to tell you that she’s okay.” Jamie’s voice catches. “She’s a strong character, and she’s going to be fine. The doctors said that, too. But she needs to take it easy. They’re just keeping her here for observation. We can visit her together tomorrow morning.”
“Okay.” I take a deep breath. I don’t think I will ever get over losing someone I love. It’s like a cut with a scab, and the scab can easily be pulled away, the pain felt anew, only slightly dulled.
“Can I come over?” Jamie asks. “I’m on my way back to the apartment, but Willow is there, and I need to talk to someone who knows my mom.” My apartment is near Theresa’s on the Upper West Side.
“I’m at Rory’s, but I can meet you back there.”
I hang up the phone. I explain to Rory what happened. I blink back tears.Don’t cry.Don’t scare him.I stare down at the floor and will myself not to think of her dying.Think of something positive.I think of those two birds that often alight on my balcony while I’m making minis at my desk in the living room, fluffing out their feathers. Brown doves.If I cry in front of Rory, I might lose him.That’s what happened with my college boyfriend Michael. My parents died and I couldn’t stop crying, huge, wrenching sobs. He couldn’t handle it. I can still see him looking away. Backing away. The two birds seem very devoted to each other. First one lands on the balustrade and then the other. I picture them and take deep, calming breaths. He didn’t break up with me immediately. Or directly. That would have looked bad. Instead, he just disappeared. Came over less. Was busy. Out with the boys. Until I seemed emotionally ready to handle our publicly breaking up.
Rory pulls me into his arms. “Are you okay?”
His arms around me feel warm, soothing. “Yes.”
“She’ll be okay.”
My legs feel weak. “Yes.” I nod, still staring at the floor, all light, whitewashed wood, the grain peeking through. I need to look up, show him I’m okay.
“Do you want me to come with you?”
I shake my head. “It’s probably better if it’s just me. If he wants to come over to my place and not go straight home to Willow.”
“He doesn’t want to go home to Willow?”
“I don’t know. He said he wants to talk to someone who knows his mom.” I sniffle. I need to pull myself together.
“Theresa’s going to pull through,” he says.
I gaze up into his eyes and nod.
“I’ll come with you in the cab and then come back home. Just so you’re not alone.”
I nod again and pull on my coat.
The taxicab ride is silent. I am afraid that if I talk, I will cry. I rest my head against his shoulder, and he holds my hand. It is solid and comforting around mine. We arrive at my brownstone apartment building. I get out of the cab. I turn to say that I really did have a good time, but the cab has already pulled away.
Chapter seven
Jamieisstandinginour vestibule, staring at his phone. He looks pale in the yellow, fluorescent lighting. I pause outside to warn Zelda.
Me:Bringing Jamie up.
Zelda:Jamie? Still at party. BUT date with RORY?
