Page 102 of Partner Pursuit
“I said I’m going on vacation and I scheduled a trip to Costa Rica with my boyfriend and I couldn’t do it, but the partner said that they couldn’t push it back, and that I was expected to do this and I should be happy that the client requested me. And that sometimes plans have to be broken—especially in the year that you’re up forpartner.”
“And that’s what you want? I’ve been through this drill before, asyouknow.”
“I don’t want this,” she said. “But I can’t just give it up—I’ve worked so hard.” Her voice broke.
There was a brief silence.
“Fuck, I’m not doing this. I just can’t do this. I can’t believe I fell for a fucking corporate lawyer.”
“Jake…”
“I’m sorry, Audrey.” Jake hung up.
She listened to the final dial tone. She couldn’t breathe. She had to get out. She couldn’t cry at the office. She’d just managed to hold it together in that partner’s office.
She hurried out into the hallway to the fire exit staircase. She couldn’t take the elevator. Her legs felt likeJell-o and her chest was about to burst. She kept taking big gulps of air as she bolted down the stairs.I can’t take this anymore. It’s too much to ask.She pulled open the metal exit door and burst out into the crowded street. She ran down the block, tears streaming down her face. She made it to the Hudson River esplanade. She gripped the cold metal balustrade, heaving. Wiping away her salty tears, she watched the tug push the bigger boat up the river, against the current.
Malaburn was right. She didn’t have what it took to bea partner.
Chapter Fifty-Five
The London sky was pale blue, almost white, as evening approached. Audrey wandered through London’s streets back to her hotel, needing some fresh air and space to think. She’d made it through two days now, including the client dinner last night, and she’d carried it off—not brilliantly, by any means, but sufficiently. She remembered reading an article that if you pretend to be happy, that alone could affect your mood and make you happier. She hadn’t pretended to be happy, but she’d pretended to be a lawyer—by not allowing herself to think of Jake or that they’d broken up, so maybe that had enabled her to function. So, she did have what it took to be a partner. No wonder so many thought of lawyers as heartless. She’d been able to compartmentalize too when her father had died, carrying on with school, crying at night. Malaburn’s criticism that she was too emotional was wrong. Sometimes she worried she wasn’t emotional enough.
Still, as she passed through Piccadilly Circus, she couldn’t help but stare at the statue of Eros. His arrow had pierced her hard, and her whole body ached as if trying to recover from the injury.
The first day here, when she’d woken up and realized once again that it was true—that Jake had broken up with her—she couldn’t move. Her whole body had felt like lead. It had hurt to get out of bed. She’d had to force herself to take a shower and eat something of herroom-servicebreakfast. Eating breakfast had been like chewing sawdust. Camouflaged in her crisp black skirt suit, she’d told herself not to think about it for now—to push it to the side of her thoughts and not let it emerge. But she hadn’t succeeded. There had been that moment when her London colleague, the guy who was also up for partner, had said dismissively that the paralegal couldn’t make it in because his girlfriend had broken up with him, and she’d frozen, her mind veering off to her ownbreak-up. He’d had to prompt her and ask her what she thought of that last point legally. Even then, she had stared at him blankly.
Her relationship was over. Justlikethat.
She respected that paralegal—who apparently was a guy who’d been able to stand up for himself and take time for his emotions. Then again, he might really be an emotional wreck. Maybe the fact that she had been able to compartmentalize it, if even just a bit, was a sign that it wasn’t meant to be.
She walked by the ticket booths at Piccadilly Circus. Normally, she loved London, and if this had been a usual trip, she would’ve bought alast-minuteticket to a play and spent her off night at a theatre. Instead, she planned to go to her hotel room, get room service, and cry. Maybe she should also take a hot bath. She felt so drained, her body as sore as if she’d run amarathon.
Eve had suggested he might come around, that he’d realize it was silly to give up what they had just because she’d had to miss one romantic getaway for work. But it wouldn’t just be this one time. And both she and Jake knew that. They had barely seen each other this past month as she’d prepared for the trial, working nonstop at the office, sometimes only going home to sleep between midnight and 6 a.m. She remembered a year ago, one of her favorite senior partners shaking his head when their arbitration hearing was scheduled for the week before Christmas, which meant living in a hotel in Louisiana for the month of December. He’d said, “My wife is going to kill me for missing all the holiday parties. She hates going alone.” And he wassixty-two. It didn’t end. She felt terrible to have canceled on Jake. She’d done exactly what he’d feared would happen.
But it wasn’t a real choice. You didn’t walk away from making partner at Howard, Parker & Smith for a guy you’d just started dating. They could date for a year and then find out they were irreconcilably incompatible, for reasons other than the current fundamental difference of attitude towards work and life—something probably more mundane, like leaving the toilet seat up—and then it would end, and she’d have given up a partnership for that. No guy would do that—except maybe thebroken-heartedparalegal.
She’d called Hunter to get his take on the situation, and he’d said that this was her partnership bid. If it were him, he’d just reschedule and go on a vacation trip when he returned from London. But Hunter’s wife didn’t work—and Jake couldn’t just take off on a whim. Hunter said Jake should understand the demands of careers nowadays, unless he had some crap job, in which case, she should be aiming higher. But Jake understood only too well the demands of her career.
Max had immediately suggested that she fly from London to Costa Rica if she was able to leave London early and surprise him there. That would have been a bold move. And she would have been willing to do that, had he gone to Costa Rica. Instead, they had canceled everything, and her firm had reimbursed the amount of the plane tickets and any cancellationfees.
She had not learned this from a phone call with Jake, whose voice would have told her if there was stillhope.
He’d sent an email with the details.
Chapter Fifty-Six
Now she was sick. She shouldn’t have been surprised. This was par for the course. She’d try to suppress her emotions and carry on, and her body would finally say: enough of this, and she’d get the flu or bronchitis or some other illness that confined her to bed. She supposed that her body, no longer buoyed by her relationship with Jake, had worn down with work stress and the Jakebreak-up, and it had just flattened her. Well, that blocked the question of any bold move of trying to reconcile with Jake—at least for the moment.
She’d flown in last night from London and gone straight tobed.
In London, she’d developed a preliminary strategy that the client approved. The judge granted their motion for an extension so they’d have more time to respond to the complaint. The case had now been staffed up heavily. So, there was nothing immediately pressing on the London case for her to do. She emailed the client and the partner and told them that she was going to the doctor. She then changed herout-of-officemessage to note that she was sick and she would not be checking email today.
At the doctor’s office, she texted Eve that she was back but sick with bronchitis. Eve said she’d make her chicken soup. She texted Max that she and Jake had broken up. Max sent her a text telling her to just talk to Jake. She said, no, on my way back from the doctor—bronchitis. Max sent manysad faces.
Max:PS. We will come up with another bold plan when you’re better.
Great, Max would probably have hersky-divingintohisyard.
