Page 333 of Chaos has a Name
He wanted Ethan to be able to let him go.
When his time was up.
* * *The Blackhawk Family* * *
The Treehouse
Ten Thirty P.M.
When Elizabeth found him, Ethan was sitting in the treehouse and staring out the one window to look at the stars. His back was to the tree, and he didn’t hear her, clearly.
“Want company?” she asked.
When he looked over, she knew he was lost in his feelings, and she wasn’t sure how long it would take to pull him out of it.
If that were the case, he was staying here, not helping her work this case. Yeah, she’d pull him again, simply because she needed everyone on their game.
He wasn’t.
When he saw her, at first, he was going to say no, but then, he changed his mind.
Ethan nodded.
“Actually, yes.”
Putting the blankets and pillows down, she sat between his thighs, and rested her back against his chest.
“Are you angry? Hurt? Tell me how to approach this,” she said. “What do you need to help you through this?”
Ethan wasn’t sure.
“I’ve been angry a long time, and I don’t want to be anymore. I read my mother’s letter to my father, and I don’t want to take the path he did. As I was reading it, Elizabeth, I’ve realized that I’ve been flirting with going down that path my whole life. I have to stop it and end it here and now. I don’t want to keep that going. I want to know I was a good man when I die.”
She didn’t blame him.
As he held her, and used that moment to comfort himself, he shared.
“She said I was a good son,” he whispered. “I want to be that. I want my mother to be proud of me. When I’m here, I can feel her. It’s like when I was a child, coloring, or watching cartoons. I always knew when she was around, watching me. I could look over, and see her smile. I know deep down that here, I can connect with her.”
For that, she was grateful. Elizabeth wished that she’d had the chance to meet Catherine. From everything Ethan and Callen told her, she knew she’d love and admire her.
Elizabeth held his hands in hers as his chin was on her shoulder.
“You’re an even better husband and father than child. You’re the gold star in that. I’ve watched you with your children, EJ. They love you so much.”
For that, he was grateful.
He’d nailed that in life, at least.
“I hope I never behave like Wyler,” he admitted.
She squeezed his hands.
“You’re not Wyler. You’re Ethan, and you did a good job finding your way. You did everything she wanted you to do. You found love, you made something of yourself, and you had children you love more than the world. Oh, and did I mention you have four partners who cherish every second they have with you?”
He kissed her on the top of the head.
“I don’t want to hold this crushing grudge, Lyzee. I want to be able to come here and not be angry at the world. How do I let it go?”
