Page 73 of Chaos has a Name
Oh, anger he understood.
It ate away at a person until it made you…hollow. Then, you did ridiculous things in response.
Now wasNOTthe time to do ridiculous things.
“No, you’re not me. You’re Wyler, and you have people who need you. You have so many grandchildren who are, right now, looking for you. How dare you covet my existence when you don’t see that yours is far better than mine ever was!”
That caught Wyler off guard.
His father sounded like he regretted his life.
“In a way, Wyler, I do. I didn’t have enough time with Ethan, and I was the reason he had abandonment issues all of those years ago. I wanted to adopt him, but I was giving you a chance to be a father. To stand up for your eldest son, and because I tried to help you, I lost him. To this day, he hates what happened to him. I am to blame.”
Wyler picked up a black feather that fell from his father. Gently, he held it in his hands.
“I don’t covet your existence. I covet not doing war with myself every single day.”
Timothy understood that. Only, every person had a battle to fight. From Callen and his sexual abuse, to Ethan and his abandonment, or Elizabeth’s physical abuse as a child…
They all fought and didn’t give up.
“You have a daughter who loves you and came back here to find a way to save you. It is one thing, Wyler, to die after trying every way to live, it is another to be a quitter. That is the son I don’t respect. I don’t like how you ran when you should have fought for your family. You have a wife you love, and she cries herself to sleep because she doesn’t know how to get you to fight for yourself.”
Wyler had tears in his eyes.
“I don’t have the strength to fight,” he admitted. “I want to come home. I’m tired, Dad. I’m so very tired.”
Timothy moved closer.
He held his son’s chin in his hand so he could stare into the eyes he gave him. They were the same brown as Timothy’s.
“And what if you quitting causes them to die? Or one of your grandchildren to be hurt? That is acceptable?” he asked, softly. “Who would you choose to perish so you can finally have peace?”
Wyler was horrified.
“We are given the struggles to learn our lessons. We are given the pain to remember that life is valuable and precious. Lastly, we are given the Hell on Earth to havePEACEin the afterlife. You have always had the power you needed to fight this. You just have to decide to do it. Until you do, which one do you love less so they can perish because their grandfather didn’t want to fight?”
Timothy shook his face free from his father’s hand.
“I wouldn’t choose any of them. I’d choose me. I’d die for all of them.”
Timothy put his hand on his shoulder.
“You may not survive the chemo, but at least you were here if they needed you. You were here to give them all of you for as long as you could. All I ask, Wyler, is you think about it. Decide if running is the way or if fighting is. I can tell you one thing, and one thing only.”
Wyler waited.
“When you cross, you see things differently. I was wrong not to tell them. They could have gotten me help, or medicine and I might have held all of my grandchildren. I might have kissed Callen’s firstborn, or met Willa or Daniel. I have regrets that are mighty. Don’t follow my path and think I did the right thing. I didn’t, and I pay for them here as I watch those children and would give anything to be with them one single day.”
He was honest.
“You want to be here when you die, Wyler, but your spirit knows its home. You’ll be here. You’ll have your chance to be with me and your mother again. You’ll have that opportunity. Today, Elizabeth will find and talk to you. Make the right decision for them, not just yourself. You think of yourself as the babysitter, but you are more. You remind the boys to be gentle with their woman. You remind the kids to be safe and love each other. You’re the one who passes this legacy on. The reservation still has no Shaman, and I blame myself.”
Timothy began backing up.
“Dad, stay,” Wyler said. “Don’t leave yet. I need to see you more. I want to learn while I can.”
Instead of listening, Timothy kept walking.
