Page 68 of Chaos has a Name
Never let it be said that his children did anything lowkey because they absolutely didn’t. The second they arrived, Wyler was well aware of them reaching the reservation.
After all, he wasn’t that far from his father’s once cabin, as he communed with the nature around him.
There had been the hum of multiple vehicles heading down the long dirt roads, and the echo of his grandchildren screaming and laughing.
As soon as he heard that, he moved deeper into the woods—not to hide from them, per se, but to hide from what was coming.
The showdown with his daughter.
There was no doubt that Elizabeth was going to try to talk him out of leaving, and he wasn’t.
Truly, Wyler dreaded this day.
When he found out that Caryn told Elizabeth about his cancer being back, there was no doubt that the confrontation would be coming. There was no way she was going to not argue with him.
Elizabeth loved him, and he knew she was going to hurt from his decision, but it was his to make.
Right?
Wyler didn’t want to die, but he didn’t want to suffer for the last few months either. What he wanted was to be surrounded by his family, so he didn’t die alone.
It appeared that he was going to get just that. That fear of dying alone haunted him.
The idea of crossing and being alone as his soul left his body…
That was his one fear.
Thankfully, his family had come. In a way, he knew it was wrong to do this to get them to be here with him, but he needed it.
He needed them.
Now, with peyote in hand, he was going to medicate himself, and enjoy the little confab with nature. After all, he was still coming to grips with his mortality.
The bottom line was that for him, time was running out.
In the chaos of it all, he needed to find some well-needed peace.
Fortunately, it didn’t take him long to find a nice spot on a mossy rock that he could sit, meditate, and find the calm he was lacking.
Maybe he wanted to hide more, but he knew if he chewed the peyote, and breathed in the smoke, he’d slowly drift to a calmer place.
He’d watched his father do it, and also his son, Ethan, take that trip into the smoke. Maybe there, he’d get the answers he sought.
Was he trying to justify his choice not to have chemo?
Yes.
Was that selfish?
He didn’t know.
Since his time alone was likely not going to last as long as he hoped, it was time to do it.
Sitting with his legs crossed on the moss, he put a few sticks in front of him, and lit a small fire.
As it went up in flames, Wyler tossed some of the peyote he’d‘borrowed’from Ethan’s stash in the tipi onto the flames.
The rest, he consumed.
