Page 526 of Chaos has a Name
Ethan saw them, and for that, he was sorry.
For the fear on her face, he felt…guilty. Only, he had to stand up and speak his soul, and hope she could one day forgive him for putting his needs first.
“What does that mean?” she asked.
Ethan explained.
“I need to be here. Coming back, I saw the good we did, and I need to do my part. I can’t go back to DC with the family. I need time, and I’m going to be selfish. I’m staying here to heal, and to start my life.”
Her heart was racing.
Was he…ending them?
Start his life?
They had a life in DC.
This sounded…ominous.
Ethan pushed through, knowing it was only fair. He had planned on dying on this sword, but Gene told him that as his husband, he’d tell her if Ethan didn’t.
If the truth didn’t come out, it would destroy what they had regardless.
So, he had no choice.
Ethan was making a choice for himself, and only himself.
“I’m going to stay out here, and I’m going to try to be the Shaman this tribe needs. It’s clear that the reservation still needsthe Blackhawks. As for work, I’ve already spoken to Callie and Axelle. I’ll work here.”
And that was the straw that broke the weepy camel’s back.
Tears filled his eyes.
Not only was he saying goodbye, but he’d done it behind her back.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, Elizabeth, but my soul needs this—to heal, to find me. I came home but I never healed at home. Now, in order to do that, I have to say goodbye to that life in DC, and welcome a new beginning for me.”
She wanted to weep so badly.
“EJ.”
He rested his forehead on hers, not giving her the chance to say anything. This was already the most difficult decision of his life.
A lot had happened over the last fifteen years, some of it good, some of it bad. Only, now, he knew that in order to be the man he was meant to be, he had to be selfish.
And take something for himself.
It was time for him to face the demons here to vanquish them once and for all. Then, he’d be a whole man again.
For the first time ever.
“Please don’t give up on me. I’ll try to get back to DC and to you. I know that’s your home, and where you thrive, but I’m dying slowly there.”
That devastated her.
It broke her soul.
“Just leave me a jet. Hell. I’ll buy one if I have to. I’ve already spoken to Gene. He’s going to stay with me, and we’ll try to live in your world, as I try to build mine here.”
