Page 328 of Chaos has a Name
Wyler kept talking.
“Caryn found a bunch of cards that Timothy had scribbled recipes on. I think he was going to do them for Elizabeth, but he ran out of time.”
Ethan watched him.
“What do you want to say to me, Wyler? Because you don’t have to pussyfoot around it. I’m a grown-ass man, and I’m not going to break. I’m pretty strong.”
Wyler wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince him, or himself. Either way, he knew that they needed to have a conversation about a lot of things.
“I heard aboutPhiladelphia,” he admitted, going right to that issue first.
Ethan closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, the ice and chill were there.
“Don’t worry about it,” he stated. “It was a long time ago.”
Wyler sat beside him.
“As I’ve gotten older, Ethan, I’ve learned that time does matter. If you don’t want to talk about it, okay. Just know that I’m sorry that you were hurt, EJ. I’m sorry that I wasn’t around to protect you or save you. Just like I wasn’t here for Callen. I’ve done a lot of terrible things in my life. And I keep perpetuating them. No matter how much I try to make amends, before it’s my time, I’m failing miserably.”
Ethan kept eating, and didn’t look at him. When the silence was uncomfortable, finally, he spoke.
“It’s fine, Wyler. I learned a long time ago to take care of myself. I’ll get through it. I always do.”
Wyler touched his wrist, and Ethan’s body tensed at the unwanted contact. Well, that was Wyler’s burden because he did this with his selfishness over decades.
“Say what you need to say to me. You may not get another time to do it. This is part of me making amends. I can’t makerestitution for my actions without knowing how deep the wound is.”
Ethan slowly turned his head and stared into his father’s eyes.
“I hated you for a very long time, Wyler. I hated Timothy too.”
That actually surprised Wyler.
He hadn’t expected that.
“Really?”
Ethan put his spoon down. He’d lost his appetite, and wasn’t in the mood to eat now. It was rolling in his belly, making him nauseous.
“Yes. He didn’t love me enough to save me. He saved Callen, and he kept saving you, but when it came time for him to save me, he let them take me.”
Wyler heard the anger and saw the tears in his eyes. Ethan rarely talked about the time he spent in foster care. It was a whole year until he aged out.
All they knew was it made him cold, hard, and not the boy he was when he was taken.
And for that, Wyler was sorry.
“So, don’t worry about not being around to save me. The people who should have didn’t, and I still survived. I made a life for myself, and I have people who love me. That’s all that matters now. My children will never know what that feeling of absolute emptiness feels like. I broke the cycle, and I’m a better man for it. I just don’t understand why I was theONLYone not worth saving. It’s a question I’ve asked myself for a very long time.”
Wyler wanted to hug his son.
But he also didn’t want to get punched in the face. He could see Ethan was fighting tooth-and-nail to keep that rage in check.
Being back here likely didn’t help it. There was no doubt Wyler could have done this differently.
He should have.
“It’s not that he didn’t want you, Ethan. He didn’t save you because he wanted me to get you. He came to me and had a very long, angry discussion on how I needed to grow the fuck up, and get you. My father has only hit me twice in my life, and that was one of the times. Timothy could knock a man on his ass.”
