Page 259 of Chaos has a Name
And she didn’t even know if they were staying or not. A lot of it depended on Wyler.
Deep down, she hoped he’d go back with them so they could leave.
They’d finish this case, and bail.
Did that make her a pussy?
Maybe.
Then again, maybe it was the smartest thing she could do.
Honestly, she wasn’t so sure anymore if she could handle things like this. Something felt broken in her, and she wasn’t sure what it was.
“Tell me what has you this rattled. I can help you problem solve it.”
She was to the point.
“I don’t want to go back in the cave. I don’t have it in me to relive it. I normally don’t scare easily, but the thought of going back in there…”
Gene did what he needed.
He listened.
Without.
Judgment.
“I’m being a pussy, but I can’t do it, Gene. It was that scary, Then, MATE was cutting out, and I was alone. I was terrified that whoever put me there would get me. I couldn’t see behind me, but I felt hunted. When MATE started losing power, I was ready to sit in a corner and rock back and forth.”
He kissed her on the stitches and bandage.
“Stay in,” he said. “You’re safe here. Let us go do the hard part, and you stay at the cabin and recover from this. If your head is telling you not to do it, don’t do it. This might be your sense of self-preservation that is kicking in.”
That was easier said than done.
Well, for her, anyway.
If she had to admit she was at her breaking point, it would just cause more trouble, and she knew it.
Ethan would worry nonstop.
Callen would hover, and then she’d feel like she was burdening them.
God.
It was all that Catholic guilt.
“I can’t they need me.”
Yeah, what she needed was to stay in and take some time to regroup. Walking back onto that scene wasn’t going to be easy for her.
There were no heroes made from martyrdom. Gene learned that a long time ago.
“I wish there was a way to not have to go but not make everyone worry that I’m losing my edge. I’m just really tired, Gene. I’m tired of leading, and for once, I want to just sit down and not do it.”
Oh, there was a way to make it happen, and he was going to take care of it for her.
Watch.
