Page 68 of Hell of a Mess
“Doc is coming by this morning to check on your ribs and see how things are healing up,” he told me.
My ribs were better. They didn’t wake me up anymore when I rolled over. But my dreams had been more vivid and disturbing. I’d dreamed of my mom both nights I’d been here. My pillow had been wet this morning when I woke up from tears I must have cried in my sleep. Until the nights that Luther spent in my room, that had been typical for me though.
“Okay,” I replied, not sure what else to say.
“After, I thought we might go into town. Let you do some shopping. You don’t have much in the way of clothes and things.”
I had enough. But I could see the hopefulness in his eyes, and I didn’t want to let him down more than I already was doing with not eating.
“That would be nice,” I said. “Thank you.”
He reached for his cup of coffee and cleared his throat. “So, how did you sleep? The mattress okay for you? I can buy a new one if you prefer something softer. We could also shop for new bedding today. Something you like.”
He was worried about my mattress being comfortable. A smile touched my lips, but it was forced. It shouldn’t be. I’d never had a father who cared about something like that. Alpheus had thought a piece of cardboard on a basement floor was all I deserved.
“The mattress is perfect,” I assured him. “I’ve always slept onfirmer beds.” Much firmer. “And the bedding is lovely.”
His deflated look made me think perhaps I should have asked for new bedding. I didn’t know the right things to say. I wasn’t used to someone wanting to spend money on me.
Trying to salvage this and his attempt to get me into a conversation that I knew I was lacking at, I added, “But maybe we could go to a bookstore. I like to read. And I’d like a new journal, if that’s okay.”
I’d not written in my notebook in several years. But with all that was happening, I wanted to get it out. I had no one to talk to. No close friend to share what was going on inside my head. It was why I had written to my mother for years. The letters became sporadic as I got older, but when I needed to spew the awfulness to another soul, I wrote it down. Shared it, believing that she could see it. That she heard me. It had gotten me through the darkest times.
Mal’s eyes lit up with hope and relief. “Absolutely,” he said. “I’ll take you to several bookstores. We have a few here in Madison, but there are bigger ones in Jacksonville if you prefer to go there.”
“One here is fine,” I told him.
“I asked Jayda for a list of places to take you shopping. I don’t know anything about girl clothing or necessities. She said she’d meet us in town if you’d like.”
Jayda reminded me of Luther. I missed her, but I was afraid of what seeing her right now would do to me. I had to get control of my emotions first. I’d let myself care too deeply, and maybe it was from the lack of love in my life, but I’d clung to him too tightly. Letting go wasn’t an easy process.
“I, uh…I’m sure you and I can get whatever I need.”
He smiled then, appearing pleased. It was so odd. This man—my father—wanted to spend time with me. He was trying to make me happy. I should be soaking it in. Getting all that I’dmissed over the years. But the darkness that was a part of my soul wouldn’t release me so that I could. When I was with Luther, I could believe that I was safe. That Alpheus couldn’t get me. But without him, I was back to waiting for this to all come to a crashing halt.
I was afraid to hope. I was afraid to be happy. I was afraid that I was a curse.
A ding chimed, which I’d learned meant one of the entrances to the house had opened.
“I smell bacon!” Gathe’s voice called out.
Mal smirked and shook his head. “That kid is never full. He probably ate a full breakfast at his place already.”
Locke hadn’t been here since I had moved in two days ago, but Gathe had been here three times now. He was a slight distraction at times, and I was relieved by his arrival. I needed that. Perhaps he’d go shopping with us.
“A few pieces left,” Mal called out.
Gathe appeared in the doorway and beamed brightly at both of us. “You knew I was coming. Gee, thanks, Dad,” he drawled.
Mal rolled his eyes and took a drink of his coffee. “I’d have bolted the doors if I’d known.”
Gathe chuckled. “No, you wouldn’t have. Don’t lie. I know you wait anxiously for me to bless you with my presence.” He took all three slices of bacon and popped the end of one in his mouth before walking over to the table, holding the other two in his hand.
“Get a goddamn plate,” Mal scolded him.
He raised an eyebrow and looked at me, then back at him. “We using plates now? Is this new because there’s a female among us?”
Mal shot Gathe a look that only made him grin as he took a bite of the bacon and began chewing.
