Page 21 of Darkest Love
“All because you don’t want me unless we have sex. But I don’t want just that. I want so much more. I want emotion. I want love. Would I love to have sex? Yes. I would love to experience it. But I don’t want to be used for my body by you. And I can’t give you my body without giving you my…”
“Your?”
She flushes and averts her gaze. “Without my heart. Ok? So I can’t be with you.”
“So you’d rather find a man who you can give your heart to.”
“I guess so.”
“Well, I’m here to break the news to you. You are not to sneak back into the city. If you want to go into the city, you will take me or a guard with you. No exceptions.”
“I am tired of being a prisoner!”
I storm over to the bed and grab her chin, forcing her to look at me. “I could make this so much worse for you. I could make it so you’re never allowed to leave this house. Hell, this bedroom. But I don’t want to do that to you. I like to have fun with women. Not torture them. But I have enemies, Anastasia.”
“So you’ve told me,” she mutters.
I tighten my grip on her chin, making her wince. “I do. Ones I have pissed off beyond imagine. If they were to get their hands on you… life would be a lot worse than being married to me. Got it?”
Fear finally enters her eyes when she realizes how serious I’m being. “Ok. I understand.”
“Good.” I let her go. “I don’t want to be the bad guy. We could have fun together, Anastasia. We could even like each other.”
“But not love. Why do you not believe in it? Why not give yourself the chance?”
I’m hit with the memory of my mother, dead on the floor, her body bloody and broken from being raped and stabbed repeatedly.
“Because,” I say in a thick voice, “loving someone means heartbreak. It means pain. It means weakness. And I don’t want to be weak ever again in my life.”
“So, you’re trying to protect yourself. If you never love me, then I can never be used against you. Is that it?”
“Pretty much. It’s a pointless emotion. It only leads to pain. Give up your ideas of love, Ana.” I make a point of calling her by the nickname she prefers. Her eyes widen. “If you just do that, we could have fun. We could experience pleasure beyond anything you’ve ever experienced.”
“You’re so sure of yourself?” she asks in a breathless tone. “That I would enjoy your touch?”
“Yes. None of the women I’ve been with in the past have ever complained. And I know you wouldn’t either.”
“Fine. You don’t believe in love. I understand why. But I would still like for us to talk. For us to get to know each other as people. That doesn’t have to mean love. Does it?”
“No. But I know what you’re doing. The more we open ourselves up to each other, the more we will grow to care for one another. It’s inevitable.”
“So that’s why you only want sex. It’s just physical for you.”
“Yes,” I answer honestly.
“But see, the thing is, Adrien, touch isn’t just physical for me. I know my heart won’t be able to separate touch from emotion. I just know it. So we’re at a standstill.”
“Fine,” I grit out. “No sex until you’re ready. Just don’t go and make out with random men. It pisses me off.”
“As long as you don’t do the same.”
“I don’t like men romantically.”
She shoots me a pointed look. “You know what I mean.”
“I already promised I wouldn’t.” But it’s giving me blue fucking balls knowing I won’t ever get the chance to be with another woman again. I’m not sure how long I can last.
I’m not sure how long Anastasia is going to insist on pushing me out.
