Page 64 of Petals of Blue: Part One
"I'm going to check on Nichole..." my mom mutters and leaves. Dad frowns after her and stands as well.
I follow suit. "Dad?"
He shakes his head and walks out of the kitchen. Annoyed with his dismissal, I follow, ready to share my opinion like a dumbass. I stop short once I'm on the patio and the breath is yanked from my lungs.
"You're so beautiful!" Mom wails from our neighbor's patio, holding Blue's cheeks between her hands. Tears track down my girl’s face as she stares into my mom's eyes with so much longing and sorrow.
I watch with my bleeding heart in my throat as Blue, the woman I love and betrayed, absolutelycrumblesin my mother's embrace.
I lose sight of Blue and my mom when Dad wraps his arms around them. My own eyes burn, and my choked sob is muffled by theirs.
Who knew witnessing a reunion so beautiful could hurt so fucking much?
Forty-One
BLUE
My mind is a mess. I've been struggling to rein in my train of thought for days, and nothing's working. Bethany suggested I meditate, but there's something about meditation that raises the hell out of my anxiety.
Cleaning and listening to Linkin Park is the closest I've gotten to peace. Then Violet shows her pale face, making me worry all over again. I don't know what the hell is going on with her, and I most certainly have no idea how to find out.
I've asked all the normal parent questions like, are you okay, is someone bothering you, do you need to tell me anything? She gives me short answers and comes back later acting like everything is normal.
There's something going on, and my gut is screaming at me to figure it out. To fix it. Yet, my brain is telling me Violet needs space to figure it out on her own. She's a legal adult. It's time to let her catch herself sometimes.
I fucking hate it.
How do I manage this? I'm basically a single mom with adjusted boundaries and expectations because I'm notactuallyher mom.
After seeing Jared's parents the other night, I'm dying to ask Jared for his mom's phone number. I need advice from a mother who loveswith her whole heart.
When I was sharing a bottle of wine with Beth by her gas fire pit, the last person I expected to see was Nichole. She looked so guilty and sad that I didn't hesitate to hug her.
We were friends before I realized who she was related to—we still are. I apologized for avoiding her because in no way is any of this her fault. I've said it before and I'll say it again I'm the worst sometimes.
Then Clara, Jared's wonderful mother, gasped and rushed toward me. She called me beautiful, but I couldn't help wondering what she truly thought of me. And as much as it hurt, that made me wonder what my own mom would think of me if she were still alive.
There was so much sorrow and excitement over seeing Jared's parents that it wasn't until after they left that I began questioning things. Like why didn't they reach out to me if they were worried about me like they said they were?
I did find out from Clara that the guys never told them anything. Basically, just that we weren't friends anymore. But still my feelings are hurt, which seems unfair to put on them.
Clara and Derrick were put in an odd position when their son minimized what happened, so why would they ask for my phone number and check on me?
Would I do the same thing with Violet's friends? Actually...have I?!
I can't fight the groan that slips free as I rub my eyes.Thisis what I'm talking about. My brain goes off on random ass tangents which feel important but aren’t in the moment.
The pressure behind my eyes and into more forehead builds as I try to rub away the ache. There's too much going on.
"Blue..." A soft touch tickles my bare elbow, sendingshivers across my skin. "Come sit down, babe." Declan's voice is so soft tears spring to my eyes.
I don't even check the counter for the latte I've been waiting on. Instead, I follow Declan blindly to a cozy booth and slide in. The weight of everything settles on my chest, making it hard to breathe.Stress.
Declan's saying something, but all I can focus on is the coffee cup he slides in front of me.He's being so nice.
Do I deserve this kindness? Am I making life harder for everyone?
More voices join, but I'm already spiraling like I have been for days.
