Page 55 of Petals of Blue: Part One
Thirty-Five
BLUE
“Is there anything you want to talk about?" My nervous system is on high alert as I ask Violet that dreaded question.
For the love of everything good and holy, I hope she doesn't have anything gross to say to me. She may be my cousin by blood, but I became a parent to her when she was a sweet young girl.Please don't tell me a sex story...
She blinks away from the corner of the living room. She had been staring at it for the past few minutes. Maybe longer. I don't fucking know, but she's setting me on edge.
"What?" She frowns at me.
I tense a little in response to her blank look. "V, you've been acting a little strange lately. Everything okay?"
"Oh," she mumbles and blinksagain. "Yeah. I think I'm gonna go to bed. I'm tired."
Before I can point out that it's not even seven P.M., she's shuffling down the hallway with her phone lighting her face. "What the hell..." I mutter, feeling conflicted. She's eighteen, but damn it, she's still that eight-year-old who used to cry in my arms when Linda fucked off to who knows where.
I'm sure every parent feels conflicted about how much isappropriate to pressure their kid. I just didn't think it would feel thishorrible.
Am I doing enough? Have I not been as present as I should have been? Does she feel safe talking to me about stuff? Do Iwantto hear about some stuff?
Groaning, I flop back onto the couch and grab my water bottle. My fingers trace over the cool surface in search of dents. I'd hate to replace another one, but sometimes it's necessary when my comfort item moonlights as a weapon.
The TV flickers as the most recent dating show continues to play its toxicity, but I ignore it. I should be able to thrive in uncertainty, but I really fucking wish life could feel balanced for once.
I don't know what to do about Violet, and I definitely don't know how to move forward with Roman, Jared, Declan, and Felix. They're doing all the right things even if they are slightly annoying at times.
Each interaction reminds me not of the boys they used to be but of how much they've grown. And I don't mean physically, althoughyes. I mean emotionally, socially, and logically. They're adults in their late twenties/early thirties. I'm experiencing how they've learned from life's lessons.
The main one is how observant they are. I'm not sure who realized giving me too much time to think was the wrong move, but it was smart. Left alone with my jaded issues wouldn't give me a good outlook.
Free coffee, food, kindness, communication, and company? Now those provide a great outlook on the future.But what kind of future do I want with them?
My phone buzzes on the coffee table. Once upon a time I would have been confused by random late-night text messages, but now there are many possibilities of who could be texting me.
I have many friends and damn it feels really amazing to have so much support. One of my greatest accomplishmentsin life is creating a beautiful support system. I had ample opportunity to become a bitter person who thought the worst of everyone, but I fucking fought not to be ruined by my aunt and my trauma.
Obviously, I still have some shit to work through like my easily triggered anger, claustrophobia, sudden touch, and general state of anxiety, but I think I'm pretty great.Right?Yeah. I'm fucking awesome.
Roman's name lights up the screen of my phone, telling me he's calling to video chat.Interesting. The positivity about myself brightens my mood and encourages me to answer his call.
Grinning, I lift the phone and start greeting him. "To what do I owe?—"
The person who cuts me off shocks me and immediately brings tears to my eyes. "How could you?!"
Derrick fills the screen, fighting mad as he paces the length of a cozy living room. I've never seen Jared's dad so angry before, and it worries me quite a bit. He has a lot more gray in his hair than he did eleven years ago, and even after the accident Jared told me about, Derrick still has his athletic build.Good for him.
"I always knew you boys made a mistake when that sweet girl stopped coming around! And to hear that you believed what those assholes said about Erica holding you back from greatness?!"
Derrick's words make me sit up and pay attention.Holy shit, he's talking about me.Andswearing!
"Jared, you know I'm proud of you, but it isn't like you grew up to be the president! How could Erica have ruined the possibility of you becoming a teacher?!"
Jared's not in the frame, but I still hear him. "I know, Dad."
"And you three never even aspired to be actors, or be in high-profile positions, or whatever!" Derrick cuts a handthrough the air. "Yet, your parents whispered in your ear just enough to blind you of the futureYOUwanted?!"
Oh shit.
