Page 27 of Petals of Blue: Part One
I watch every single change in Blue's demeanor. As if in slow motion, her furrowed brows shift into a flat line like my heart tries to do. Her lips purse and her sharp jaw flexes.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
"BB!" a barista calls out. My attention tracks Blue as she smiles at the young girl behind the counter. They chat for a few seconds in hushed voices, but it ends with both Blue and my staff member nodding.
Blue blows the barista a kiss and steps away with her iced coffee. I think she's about to walk right by me without a second thought, but she stops at the last second.
What she says next absolutely fuckingruinsme. "Violet's father is dead."
Then she's gone. She’s a breeze that passes by me and leaves so much fucking guilt in her wake.
Violet's dad is dead?! Blue's a single mom? Jesus, are they doing okay?I mean, itseemslike Blue's doing all right for herself. She can afford my overpriced coffee and take Violet on weeklong trips. Alone, though?
"Fuck!" I hiss, rubbing a hand down my face.What the hell is wrong with me?I'm not even quite sure what I was accusing her of. I was angry she left for a week and pissed at Felix for not noticing how much I love him.
The common denominator in both of those issues is me and my lack of productive communication.
I open my eyes at the realization that I need to have some serious conversations, only to find out there are evenmoretough talks I should add on as well. Three of my employees and my manager are glaring at me.
Worst first impression of all time.
Seventeen
BLUE
I'm fuming. Absolutelyfuming.
Declan was always a bit of an ass in high school, but that was fucked up. Who is he to ask about Violet's dad? As far as I'm concerned, Violet is none of his business. Especially not Carl.
Holy shit. I'm shaking. Completely baffled, I stomp off the elevator.
V and I had an amazing road trip this past week. Of course I'm tired, but I've felt wonderfully sore and much lighter since we got home last night. I let go of everything and just spent time with my girl.
Today's my only day off before work tomorrow, so I woke up at the ass crack of dawn because V is wild. When I couldn't hang anymore, I left to get a latte at my favorite coffee shop in our building.
Butter and Bloom was definitely a large part of why I chose to livehere.Who wouldn't see a coffee shop below their apartment and thinkfuck yes, I need that in my life.
I'm still pissed off after about ten minutes of sitting on my couch with my latte. Damn Declan for ruining my cozy morning.Flipping my Kindle closed, I jump up and cue someLinkin Parkthrough my speakers.
Angry music is just what I need while I clean some of this nasty energy out of me. Maybe it's counterproductive, but I don't care.
My throat thickens with bubbling emotion as I scream the lyrics toEmptiness Machine. "I let you cut me open just to watch me bleed! Gave up who I am for who you wanted me to be!"
That won't be me. I won't allow them to steal who I am ever again!The burn in my forearms doesn't matter, nor do I feel it as I soak in the words of one of my favorite bands.
Fire lights my vocal cords as I completely dive into a particularlyangrysong. "Let me out, set me free!" “Casualty”by Linkin Park fuels my rage, not only at the four men who broke my heart, but at myself for still being upset about it. "I won't be your casualty!"
Over and over again, I scream those lyrics until the crack in my soul completely shatters. The rag in my shaking hands flies into the washing machine with athud. I slam the lid down with a much more satisfyingbang.
I won't be their casualty. They've been turning me into someone I don't recognize. At the age of eighteen, I had to learn to manage my emotions while balancing adult life and fun to take care of Violet.
Allowing them to derail me and my mental health is not an option. "I'm not their casualty." Maybe eleven years ago I was, but not anymore.
The past is in the past.
It has to stay there so it doesn't blind me to my promisingfuture.
Smiling, I close Violet's door after checking on her. She's had a long two weeks and didn't rest much today. My girl is full of energy.
