Page 25 of Petals of Blue: Part One
"High school," I grit out while avoiding eye contact with all seven of them. This bottle of wine can't be popped open fast enough.
"Really?" Janine drawls with one eyebrow raised at me.Is she putting the pieces together?
"We had a falling out," I add, really hoping it's enough. It's the most basic form of the truth.
"A falling out..." Felix rumbles.
Silence.
Then Bethany mutters something about the broom. Hopefully she'll be back soon so we can send them on their way. Guilt blossoms in my belly, making me feel nauseous.
I don't hold much guilt in my life. I've done the best I could for myself and for Violet. Do I wish I could have given her a better upbringing? Abso-fucking-lutely. But I was eighteen years old with no preparation for raising a little girl.
I've done a great job for us. A lot of sadness and anger haunts me, but not guilt.
Until now.
Bethany hands over a broom to Felix who's frowning at me. I close the door without another word. I have a lot of explaining to do, but I'm not at all ready to face my best friends.
With the guys gone and my girls watching me with a mix of confusion and hurt, I feel the tears come back. "Let me get some wineglasses first, please."
My friends know everything about my adult life. Eighteen and over they're aware of. My trauma, the lack of food and clothes, all the horrible fuckwits my aunt subjected me to...They know it all.
But the four men who just left? My best friends have never heard of Roman, Felix, Declan, and Jared. What they know ismoving away from my friends and school during sophomore year was really hard, and I lost a lot of support.
It was a door I didn't want opened ever again.
But I busted that right the fuck down when I literally opened Beth's front door.
I need some wine to finally be honest with my girl friends. Thankfully, V and I are getting out of town for a week so I can run away from the bomb I'm about to drop on them.
I'm the worst.
"You're shitting me! I'm going to kill them. I'll go over there and cut their ears off one by one then toss them down the garbage disposal!"
Wide-eyed, Janine, Dakota, and I stare at Bethany. Sweet, kind, Bethany. "Beth, it's okay," I coo, scared that I broke my friend.
Blonde ringlets frame her rosy cheeks making her look slightly feral. "No, Blue. It's not okay. They were your best friends and gave you no reason for why they ghosted you. They're pieces of childish shit."
"Beth—"
"You were punched, pushed down the stairs, locked out of the house, starved, raised a child, drug from place to place, and violatedtwice!"
Shit. "I wasn't vio?—"
"YES YOU WERE!" Bethany screams, her own trauma expanding and making her hyperventilate. "Twice that man snuck into your bedroom and pulled the blankets off of you, Blue. Hetouchedyou. I don't care that he only got as far as lifting your shirt both times before you woke up,you were violated!"
I might be sick. The easy thing to do right now would be to ask one of the other girls to comfort Bethany and hide in the bathroom again while I cry. But I don't because it's important to acknowledge the shit I endured.
Plus, my issues made one of my best friends cry.
On my hands and knees, I crawl to my bestie and snuggle into her side. I know she's reliving her own past as we dredge mine up again, and hers, in my opinion, is far worse than mine. Yet she turned out to be the purest soul I've ever met.
Bethany sniffles and lays her head on top of mine. "Theyknewyour home life was bad, Blue. How could they leave you like that?"
"I don't know..." Her question is one I've asked myself countless times, yet I still don't know the answer. I'm not sure if I ever will, but until I do, I'm living with assumptions.
And you know what they say...When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.
