Page 24 of Petals of Blue: Part One
I'm fine.I'm fucking fine.
Plus, we're here for Dakota. Not me. And I don't need them to be here for me anyway. I'm just fine.
My shaky breaths beg to differ though, as do my trembling fingers. I'll be okay; I just need to keep reminding myself of that for a while.
"God," I huff and splash my red cheeks. I'm acting like a fool around the guys. The easy way they reach for me and touch me is uncalled for. They don't know the number of times I've been grabbed and pushed around without consent.
What gives them the right to my attention and skin?!Theybrokeme. Not the other around.
Once upon a time, I would bask in their physical affection and demanding presence. Now it sends me right into fight-or-flight mode.
When it comes to the four of them, I want to fight. Throwing punches and kicks seems like a great stress reliever,but I keep fucking it up. Every time they're near, I want to cry, scream, and just disappear. What did I do to deserve their torment all over again?
Sure, they might not be physically hurting me, but Jesus Christ, the emotional pain of eleven years slams against my ribcage when they're around. Even when I'm thinking about them.
Their touch not only triggers me, butburnsme. I very clearly don't want anything to do with them, yet their determination to connect is making everything worse.
Patting my cheeks dry on Bethany's hand towel, I spiral in my thoughts until numbness settles over my heart and mind like a hug.Bless. Sometimes overthinking is exactly what shuts my brain off.Eventually.
Which is why, when the doorbell rings as I'm exiting the bathroom, I don't think much of it. Being the closest to the entryway, I pivot and tighten my messy bun.
I'll probably need to go back to the liquor store, which will need to happen before I start drinking.Maybe some White Claws would be?—
My easy planning sputters out when I open the door. The numbness that weighs nicely on my conscience wavers in the face of the four men who have sent me into more panic-attacks in a short week than I've had in a year.
"Hi, Bee." Jared waves at me with a bottle of wine.I wouldn't need to buy another one if he's offering.
Declan shuffles, looking quite yummy in his gray sweatpants and black tank top. I trail my gaze over him with indifference even as my adrenaline rises. In his hand looks to be a plastic Tupperware.
He must notice my frown because he answers my unspoken question. "Oh. Your friend, Bethany—I think—gave us cookies when we moved in. I'm returning her dish because that's what people do?”
God fucking damn it, my lips twitch. That one glimpseinto who Declan's grown up to be reminds me of him as a teenager.
Schooling my features, I raise a brow when I notice Roman clutching what I think is the lid for the bowl.
"I—" Roman clears his throat, looking embarrassed and tired? "I'm returning the lid."
I would laugh if I didn't think it would open doors that need to stay firmly fucking locked. Like the door I'm holding open. I really should slam it in their faces, but they have Beth's stuff. And wine.
Dismissing the Ledger brothers and Jared, I find Felix off to the side with empty hands. "Uh," he hesitates and shifts, looking uncertain which seems extremely out of character for him. "I need to borrow a broom and dustpan."
A loud laugh behind me makes me jump. Glaring over my shoulder, I spot Janine who's red in the face beside Beth and Dakota who are clearly biting their tongues, and beg them to go away.
They don't, of course.
"Who doesn't have a broom?" Bethany wonders out loud, cocking her head a little.
"Only necessities came with us during our move," Felix answers matter-of-factly.
"Blue..." Jared murmurs, holding out the bottle of wine. "Please take it."
I don't so much as sigh as I pull it from his large grip. Indifference will make them go away, I'm sure of it. They're like children, hoping for any kind of reaction because it means you’re paying attention.
Dakota steps forward, then takes the lid and bowl from Declan and Roman. I figure we're about ready to shut the door on them, but she opens her goddamn mouth. "How do you guys know Blue?"
Fucking fuckity fuck.
Hurt flashes across all four of their handsome faces. I wonder what they hope my friends know.
