Page 19 of Petals of Blue: Part One
"Thanks." Dale doesn't even spare Beth a glance as he drapes himself across the bar next to Felix. Already drunk, Dale doesn't fail to make an ass out of himself. "Blue, how 'bout that shot tonight, hmm?"
His slurring makes me cringe. "Not tonight. We're too busy."
A dark look fills his eyes. "Seriously? Just one shot. You fucking owe me, bitch."
Then all hell breaks loose.
Twelve
ROMAN
Pinned by familiar bright blue eyes, I remember all the ways I've failed Erica. I always knew the decisions I made as a selfish eighteen-year-old would come back to haunt me. It didn't take long either.
About a week and a half after deleting Erica's phone number, I began to suffocate in the aftermath of my decision. I'll forever hate myself for letting her go without a word, but damn my parents were convincing when they told me the damage had already been done and I shouldn't drag her around anymore.
I believed them. Then they sent me off to college with a credit card in their name and a ton of encouragement to figure out who I wanted to be. I took their distraction and pushed myself to be an accomplished adult.
I went to the gym, took business courses for a while—enough to understand a few things—and started working. Felix moved in with me a few weeks after classes started and pushed me into new experiences, which became another distraction. My best friend was spiraling, and I jumped right into the chaos with him.
No matter how high I got, how much I drank, I still hatedmyself. So I worked fucking hard during the day to ease the guilt by telling myself I would help people someday. At night, I aimed to fill the void in my heart with chicks and music.
My parents never knew about my stupidity. Until Declan came to live with us a year later. A few too many drinks and a leap off a frat house sent him to the ER not six months into living with me and Felix. Idiot didn't land correctly in the pool.
Mom and Dad told me I was a fuck up at the hospital.Just like the Becketts,they added. Said I deserved trailer trash like Erica.
Everything I thought I knew changed when they said that. What I believed to be subtle and understandable concern about their kids hanging out around Erica's crazy aunt flipped.
They weren't worried about our safety but our reputation. And we played right along with the words of our parents. Felix's parents were in on it, and Jared just followed along with us when we agreed maybe we should cut ties when she moved.
I hate myself and my reasoning to this day.My reputation mattered more to me than the girl I viewed as my best friend.But she was more than that.
At eighteen years old, I made a selfish choice. For eleven years I've regretted letting Erica Bennett go. Not one moment has gone by where the self-loathing doesn't try to drag me to hell.
Erica has haunted me since the moment we all agreed to ghost her. Seeing her look down on me like I'm nothing but dirt beneath her shoe is far more painful than I ever thought possible.
"Erica..."
The woman before me with bright blue hair and afuck mebra berates me for my slip of the tongue.
Shejustfucking told Felix her name is Blue.Why am I sucha fuck up?Erica is gone. I've had this said to me so many times in the past twenty-four hours since Jared and Declan came home looking as if they'd seen a ghost.
Blue shreds me with her words, making my heart ache with sorrow. I've never stopped beating myself up for cutting her out of my life, but I also never reached out once I realized how my parents manipulated us away fromtrailer trash.I listened to their previous advice to let the past stay in the past.
It was the easy road...Because I knew if I called her up, I'd have to atone for the part I played in our group abandonment of the sweet girl we all loved.
Jared, Declan, and Felix were there that day at the hospital, too. They heard everything. And still, like a bunch of childish bastards, we chose not to find Erica again.
I'm beginning to wonder if that was the right call now.
"Petal..." I croak, searching for the high schooler I once knew who always smiled and laughed. Erica may no longer exist, but my petal is still in there somewhere.
Right?
Wrong.
"We don't serve assholes. Get out."
Ouch.I would rather be called an asshole than hear her call us cruel like Jared and Dec said she did. Still, it fucking sucks, and it's another reminder of how she feels about us now.
