Page 12 of Petals of Blue: Part One
Kev chuckles good-naturedly. "I'm still glad your last fling was Blue. Best thing that came out of your uncertainty was our friendship and you waiting for me."
Levi blushes, and I swear to shit I swoon for them. It's a cliché to saythey are goals, but there's nothing else to say. Both are big, strong, steely men, but for each other they melt like chocolate on a nipple for Valentine's Day.
Yes, that can happen.
My heart constricts when they kiss. Not because I want either of them in that way but because I want what they have. It's hard to find that when I'm closed off to relationships and anything more than a one-night stand, though.
"Blue's getting blue..." Levi whispers.
That observation of my mood and weeping eyes makes me curl into a ball on the couch. What he just said...Blue's getting blue...is the exact reason I legally changed my name to this when I was eighteen.
What I told Felix about happy Erica being gone was the truth. Instead of yellow sunflowers, I became wilted blue petals with no stem to survive off of. Blue as in melancholy. Blue as in sadness.
Because no matter how much I party or adventure with the people who love me, I'm still really fucking sad.
"Come on, Blue," Levi coos, pulling me from the security room couch. "Let's get you home."
On the ride home with Levi, all I can think about is that I don't think I'll ever stop being sad for the girl who came before this hardened version of myself.
Even wilted and dead, I still feel pain. Felix proved that tonight when he so casually forgot about his betrayal.
Where was his loyalty when I needed it the most?
Eight
DECLAN
Felix came home late last night. It's noon, and he's still sleeping. I'm starting to get annoyed not only with myself for my feelings but with him.What the hell was he doing last night?Orwho?
My jealousy spirals the longer he doesn't show.
"You good?" Jared nudges me, looking concerned.
I shrug. This past year has been hell trying to understand how I feel about Felix. He's always been my older brother's best friend and became a really good friend of mine too.
Yet, he's become more than that in the past few years. I find myself watching him, hoping he catches me looking so he can give me more attention. Craving Felix is uncomfortably inconvenient.
Why? Because he fucks anything that looks nice, and my balls have been blue for about eight months. The sultry looks I get from women are nice, but when Felix's eyes are on me, I'm on fucking fire.
Jared sighs, tipping his head back against the couch. His brown skin stretches over his Adam’s apple when he swallows, but it doesn't do anything for me. The only man I have the hots for is someone who views me as a kid brother.
Fuck my life.
"You're destined to be celibate for the rest of your life."
"Fuck," I grumble, rubbing my hand over my scruff. "I know. The last time I tried the woman was too soft and sweet."
Jared snorts. "I didn't realize there was such a thing."
"Such a thing as what?" Roman asks, wandering into the living room with a protein shake.
I scowl at Jared for his loud mouth, but he pays me no mind, still reclined back on the couch. "Nothing," I answer my brother.
Roman levels me with a flat look but brushes it off and leaves the room again. I wonder if he's going to scout out another gym. Guilt builds in my chest.Did I upset him?
Three years older than me, Roman is the role model he worked hard to become. Strong, smart, calm, and kind. He's the whole package for anyone willing to endure his tortured soul.
What do I have to offer Felix? Sass, snark, and impulsivity.
