Page 81 of Hate the Game
“You’re going to lecture me about how I treated her now? After whatyou’vedone? You’re the one who fucked her under false pretenses. Now she knows that you’re a user and a shitty person.It’s better she knows now than wait a few years like me. Fuck all three of you. I hope she never forgives you.”
We all watched as she stormed back down to her room and flinched when she slammed her door closed.
“That wasn’t pretty.” Jax leaned back against our door and sighed. “What do we do?”
Cole rubbed his chest and stared after Cass. “I didn’t know. I never would’ve tried to hurt her. I just don’t feel that way. I fucked up. And she hurt Savannah because of me.”
I felt just as shitty. “Wehurt Savannah. We should’ve told her. She opened up to us so much last night. If we’d told her she would’ve been upset but she would’ve forgiven us because we could’ve had a chance to explain. Now, though? Now, we’re fucked. She’ll never forgive us.”
“She has to.” Jax pushed off the door and I watched in shock as he pulled out his wallet and used a credit card to pop Savannah’s lock. “There has to be a way.”
“And you think it’s through breaking into her room?”
“I think it’s through finding out everything we can. We just need to figure out how to fix this. We fucking have to.” Jax shoved Cole. “Come on. You can feel shitty about Cass later. Right now we need to figure out how to fix this with Savannah.”
I went in last and shut the door behind me. Her room smelled like her and it was a gut punch after finding out that she probably hated us. I didn’t feel so tough when all I wanted to do was grab her pillow and curl up in her bed. I was useless as we looked through her room. I couldn’t get past the feeling of my heart being ripped out of my chest.
Jax snapped his head up and practically barked at us from where he was sitting at her desk with her laptop open in front of him. “Look at this. Look at these emails from Marla Knight.”
“How’d you hack into her computer? I’m smarter than you and I don’t know how to do that.” Cole grunted when Jax punched him.
“She doesn’t have a lock on it. Asshole. Just read the emails.” Jax waited impatiently as we skimmed them. “This woman is threatening her. Savannah doesn’t want to write the bad article but this woman is telling her she’ll never work in the field again if she doesn’t do it.”
“She probably wants to write the article now.” I sat down on the edge of her bed. “She’d have real shit to talk about us now.”
Jax stood up and shook his head. “No. I don’t think she’ll change her mind. If she does, we deserve it, but I don’t think she’ll write a bad article. I think we need to talk to this Marla woman. Maybe if she and my dad fix their shit she won’t want to bleed us dry. Maybe she’ll give Sav a break.”
“I’ll try anything. I don’t want her to believe we didn’t care about her. We did. We do… Right?” Cole looked from me to Jax. “We’re trying to start something here, right? Her with each of us?”
Jax nodded. “If there was ever a reason to shatter my golden boy image, it’s this. With her.”
“I don’t believe in wanting something and just walking away without trying. Maybe this weird shit won’t work out and we’ll end up hating each other. But maybe it will work out and we’ll have Savannah. I don’t run scared.” I motioned to the laptop. “Show us again. Show us what all she said so we can work out a plan.”
***Savannah***
Iwas borrowing Blaire’s clothes and her laptop to email Marla. Or at least I was trying to email her. Every time I started to type I just came up blank. I was at a loss. I didn’t know what to say or how to explain why I was going to tank my own career. I couldn’t imagine she’d understand. It didn’t matter how many times Blaire told me I should hate the guys for what they’d done and write something that was real and honest but didn’t trash them completely. I just couldn’t. No matter how much my stomach ached and my heart hurt, I couldn’t.
Blaire was painting across the room from me, her eyes going back and forth between me and the canvas. “What’s holding you back from emailing her?”
I sighed and tightened my ponytail. “I don’t know what to say. I’m about to kill my career and I’m choking. I wish Marla would just…move on from her deal with your dad so she wouldn’t be so hellbent on taking him down. As much as it would hurt, I could write ten different articles about the guys that would be just as good as any she’s ever published. She doesn’t want that, though. She wants blood.”
“Why don’t you go talk to my dad?” She laughed when my eyes widened. “Come on, he’s not an actual monster. Just an asshole.”
I took a deep breath and counted to ten as I blew it out. “Maybe I should. If I can talk to him about my deal with Marla and ask him to fix things with her, maybe she’ll accept a normal article. Or maybe I should just go ahead and email my resignation to her and take the loss.”
“First of all, the men in your life are the reason your career has hit a few roadblocks. Second of all, you should lean into blaming them and find your anger. Third of all, I need you to find your fight, along with your anger. You should be kicking ass right now. You have to get out there and fight for yourself. Fight my dad, fight Marla, fight the stupid apex three bullshit, fight your own damn brothers. You can’t just roll over and give up, though. You’re sad and it’s okay to be sad but it’s not okay to give up on yourself.”
I closed her laptop and groaned. “Fine. Fine, I’ll be tough and fight for myself. Tomorrow.”
“Good, because I’m painting you and if you leave that makes it hard for me to paint you.” She winked at me and motioned for me to pick up the laptop again. “Just sit there and pretend you’re emailing Marla.”
I opened a new document and started making a list instead. I needed to talk to Coach Carrington. Under that I listed all the things I could say to him about Marla. I needed to email Marla. Under that I listed each reason I wouldn’t write a trash piece and possible responses she would give me. When that just left me feeling even crappier I shut the laptop again and looked at Blaire.
“I think I’m losing it.” I rubbed my eyes and found myself wondering for the thousandth time if the guys had meant any of what they said. I kept going over everything and obsessing over every single moment until I felt like my head would spin and I’dstart spewing split pea soup. “Iamangry at them. I am. I think it’s hard for me to be as angry as we both want me to be, though, because I started this whole thing. I was willing in everything we did along the way, you know? Maybe if I wasn’t so hurt by the idea that they hadn’t meant any of the sweet things they said I’d be able to access that anger more.”
Blaire snapped her paint palette shut and frowned. “You and I are going out. I’ll order a car and we’re going to go out and get you drunk. Then maybe we’ll dance. I don’t know. You need a change of pace, though. I can’t let you stay in this room, suffering, for a second longer. Let’s see what I have that will work for you.”
Faced with going outside and seeing the world, I was finally able to make a decision about what I needed to do. “No. I do need to talk to your dad. You were right. If I’m going to put on a brave face and face campus life I need to go to your dad. I might not be able to fix anything else in my life but maybe I can save some part of my career.”
