Page 79 of Hate the Game
“You know something? You know nothing!” She hissed in my face, her voice low. “I’ll fill you in, though,Savannah Lane Ford. The guys know everything. They know you came here to trash them. They know who your brothers are. They’ve known since I told them weeks and weeks ago.”
Even as my stomach dropped my heart held onto hope. They’d known and they still cared about me. That was huge, right? Cass wasn’t done with me, though.
“We weren’t going to let you hurt their reputations so we came up with a plan to get you to see the good in them. They’ve been laughing at you behind your back because look how easy it was for them to make you give up your beliefs! You just rolled over for them. I didn’t think they’d take it as far as sleeping with you, though.” She angrily wiped her face and stepped back. “I almostfeel sorry for you. You fell for them, didn’t you? You bought it even better than we ever imagined you would. And now you know that they feel nothing for you, just a desire to protect their reputations from some idiot from Texas with a misguided belief that she could get away with ruining them.”
Ouch. My heart broke and slammed to the ground with my stomach.
“All of it was fake, Savannah. They don’t want you, not really.”
A flicker of anger brightened. “They don’t want you, either, Cass.”
She froze and we both stood there, breathing hard as we struggled not to break down in front of each other. Finally, she nodded and sniffed. “No. No, they don’t.”
I watched her leave and managed to hold myself together until the door to the stairs clicked shut behind her. Then I broke. I shoved my way into my room and looked around, entirely lost. She wasn’t lying. There had been a sudden shift in the guys’ attitudes towards me out of nowhere. They’d suddenly all wanted to do private interviews and take me to show me things about them that were personal and private. Things that made me see them entirely differently.
They knew I was a Ford. They knew why I was there originally. They knew it all and they’d played me the way I’d tried to play them. They’d just been better at it.
All the things they’d said… The things we’d done… They way they’d made me feel… My stomach cramped painfully and I barely made it to the bathroom in time before I was throwing up violently. I tried my hardest to find some anger but all I got was bone crushing sadness. I cared about them. I was sure I more than cared about them. When they’d comforted me and told me they cared about me, I believed them. But… Cass hadn’t lied. I could see the painful truth in her eyes.
I stumbled to my feet, brushed my teeth, and then went back to my room. I looked at my stuff and wiped my eyes. Once again, I found myself on the verge of running. I didn’t bother packing a bag. I wasn’t sure if Blaire would let me stay after I told her the whole truth.
I barely remembered to put on shorts before leaving. The twisting in my stomach made me desperate to tell Blaire everything. I didn’t want her to feel the way I did when I found out the truth about the guys. She needed to hear everything from me. From the start. Then, if she still wanted me anywhere near her, I figured I’d beg for forgiveness and try my best to prove to her that I was worth a second chance. I wasn’t sure I’d survive USC without her.
I wasn’t sure I was going to survive at all. My chest felt like it was being crushed and no matter how many times I wiped my eyes there were more tears there. I wanted to throw a tantrum, just throw myself on the ground and kick and scream. It wasn’t fair. The things I felt about them were bigger than I’d ever experienced. I liked them. As people, as men, and as potential partners for me. Just that morning I’d given Jax something I’d never trusted anyone else with.
I wanted them to care about me the way I cared about them but I wasn’t stupid. They’d done what they had to do to stop me from ruining them. And if the things they showed me were true, they’d never deserved to be trashed. I just wished they hadn’t fully sucked me in. I would’ve realized they weren’t bad men before it was too late. They took it too far. And once again I’d been left holding the pieces after a man got what h e wanted or needed from me.
When I knocked on Blaire’s door she took one look at me and frowned. “I’m going to have to murder my brother, aren’t I?”
I walked in and turned so I could pull her into a hug. “I have so much to tell you, Blaire, and I just need you to hear me out before you decide to hate me. Please.”
***Savannah***
“Wow.” Blaire sat back on her bed and then grunted and adjusted the pillows piled high behind her. “That’s kinda badass.”
I froze in pacing a hole through her rug. “What?”
“You were willing to leave home, go undercover, spend months somewhere that you hated, all in the name of your love for your brothers. That’s badass, Vannah. If you expect me to get furious on behalf ofmybrother, you’re barking up the wrong pregnant teen. Maybe I would’ve been angrier if you’d gone through with it and trashed Jax’s name but you didn’t. You’re a good person. You got to know the guys and shifted your judgement. You’re the best kind of journalist. You clearly have integrity and enough humility to change your mind.”
I found myself scowling at her. “Don’t compliment me, Poppins. Look at me. Look at the mess I made. Look how many times I’ve come here crying to you without telling you the whole truth. I’ve been an awful friend. I suck. And I’m holding myself together okay right now but in a few minutes, I’m going to startcrying again and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop. You don’t deserve this shit, this….mess I’ve made.”
She rolled her eyes and waved me off. “You’re my best friend. Everyone else here sucks. You made a mistake in not trusting me immediately but you had a lot riding on it. I’m not upset, Vannah. Not at you. I am, however, incredibly pissed at my brother. And his stupid friends. If they thought I was hard to deal with before, just wait. I’m going to make them wish they’d never heard of you, men, or USC. Those pricks. I can’t believe they seduced you to try to trick you into not writing your article. That’s low.”
I sank to the floor across from her bed and rubbed my temples. “It’s my fault. All of this is my fault. Now I’m not going to have a career, my brothers are going to hate me once they find out I’m not doing the article and why, and I don’t even have the guys when I think that was the silver lining keeping me sane. Even when I was hiding from them, I knew they were still looking for me. I think I tricked myself into believing that in the end, all of this would be okay because I’d have them in some way. I thought they cared about me. I thought I was special. And now I know… I wasn’t special. I’mnotspecial. Not to them.”
“Savannah. When Cass told them who you were they had options. They could’ve confronted you with the truth and still gone about the interviews without the pretense. They still could’ve shown you who they are. They could’ve called it off, told my dad, and gotten you booted out of here. They chose the option they did because clearly, they wanted a taste of you. They were assholes for doing it. And they’re assholes now for letting Cass be the one to tell you. And they’re even bigger assholes for doing all of this and leaving you feeling like shit. The moment I’m not pregnant I’m kicking ass.”
“I’m so sorry, Blaire. You have bigger things to worry about than me and my shit. I did this to myself. You shouldn’t have to fret over it.”
She snorted and threw a pillow that I was too sad to dodge. “Are you kidding? You idiot.Ididthisto myself. I got myself knocked up and you fret over me. It’s the same thing. You are so quick to think the worst of yourself, Vannah. Every time you come here you fret over me. You check if I need anything nonstop. You cleaned, you brought me food, you even rubbed my feet that one night! I’ve been so lucky to have you around. As much as I hate that you’re hurting and I hate that my idiot brother is part of the reason I’m so glad to have you back. I love you. We’re going to need to work on how you value yourself, though.”
I hugged the pillow to my chest and when I opened my mouth to reply all that came out was an ugly sob. Since it wasn’t easy for Blaire to get down on the floor with me she motioned for me to join her in bed and then she held my head in her lap and stroked my hair while I sobbed.
“This is good practice for when the baby comes.” She giggled and then snorted when her laughter bounced my head around. “Sorry! At least I know not to do this with the baby. I’m shaking you all up.”
I laughed as I cried or maybe I cried as I laughed. Either way, I was a mess. Eventually I sat up and hugged Blaire. “Thank you for being willing to care about me even when you maybe shouldn’t. I was here to take your family down.”
“Meh. Honestly, it could afford to be knocked down a few pegs.” She sighed and gently patted my cheek. “Why don’t we watch a few sad movies, cry ourselves out, and order in enough pizza to kill a man? After getting all the crying out of the way maybe you’ll realize that you deserve to be angry right now. Maybe you’ll even embrace that anger and scratch your nameinto Jax’s truck. Hopefully a few hours in bed with me will make you drop the idea that I should hate you.”
