Page 54 of Hate the Game
I had not realized. “Oh, god. I have to leave now.”
He laughed and helped me out. We managed to honk only twice more in the process and then I didn’t wait around to see if anyone had watched the humiliating exit I’d just made from Jax’s truck. I ran inside to the soundtrack of his laughter. My body was on fire with desire and my mind was on fire from the revelation I couldn’t ignore. He wasn’t the monster I’d believed him to be.
***Savannah***
Once again, I found myself awake in the middle of the night, restless and turned on to the point of pain. My thoughts were riddled with inappropriate things that I needed to forget about. There was somethingsowrong with me because I wasn’t just thinking about Jax. I was thinking about all three of them. I refused to touch myself to thoughts of them again after getting a call from my brothers the last time. It felt jinxed after that. That was why I rolled my tired body out of bed at an ungodly hour and went to take a shower. A very cold shower.
Despite the late hour there were still a few people in the bathroom. I smiled at the girl brushing her teeth and got a dirty look in return. Assuming she was one of Cass’ friends, I just shrugged it off. I went to my favorite shower and my plans for freezing my desires away died at the first drop. I turned the water as hot as it would go and stood under it, letting it burn me.
I stood there for so long that I felt myself sway on my feet. Exhaustion pulled at me but I still felt the steady buzz of desire. Washing my hair and body was bad enough but I still forcedmyself to shave and wash my face when all I wanted to do was lay down.
Coming up for air after rinsing my face I realized there was someone in the shower next to me. My brain instantly decided it was Ryder. Lord knew he would’ve waited for his special shower stall and then grumped about me using it. Still, I imagined it was him. I pictured him soaping up his chest and tipping his head back under the water, thick neck corded with muscle. It was too easy to imagine his huge body wet and slick.
I gasped when I realized my hand was slowly crawling down my body towards my core.No. I was going there. Glaring at my hand, I tried to do a few different breathing techniques, anything to distract from imaging Ryder in the shower next to me. My thoughts on The Apex Three were complicated and confused enough without adding more lust to the situation.
I finished my shower and then grumbled at myself for forgetting my robe. All I had were the dirty clothes I’d worn into the bathroom and I wasn’t willing to put them back on, not after sweating in them all night. I was really starting to feel sorry for myself as I wrapped my towel around my curvy body, tugging at it to be sure it covered my hips and chest without gaping open.
I was deep in my thoughts about towels being designed for skinny folks when I yanked open the curtain to leave. I stepped out just as the shower curtain next to me was yanked open and came face to face with Ryder.
My blood heated, my body woke up from its near slumber, and my eyes drank in his bare, damp chest so hungrily that it was obscene. It wasn’t fair. He looked so damn handsome after his shower when I knew I looked like a drowned rat. His towel didn’t struggle to stay closed around his hips. He also didn’t look ruined by the sight of me like I felt at seeing him.
There was something in his gaze, though, as he looked me up and down. While he didn’t appear ruined, he did look tense andready to snap at any moment, but he always looked like that. I wanted to peel off the top of his head and get into his brain to understand him. I’d been keeping my distance from him since the night at the boxing ring so it was strange to see him so close. I didn’t know what to say but saying nothing seemed like a good bet.
We both turned to leave at the same time and fell into a very awkward silence as we left the bathroom. I felt like my feet were made of lead and every step came slower and slower. Ryder kept pace with me, both of us taking forever to reach our doors. I hesitated and realized he was, too. My breathing sped up as I lifted my gaze from the floor. He was staring back at me, jaw muscles clenching and unclenching. Then I saw the way his towel was tented.
Ryder wanted me and I’d beg for forgiveness later, but I wanted him, too. It didn’t make sense. It wasn’t right. I needed to get the hell away from California. I needed to get mental help over the way I was lusting after The Apex Three. Jax had his face buried between my thighs just hours earlier but I couldn’t control the yearning I felt for Ryder.
I had no clue how much time had passed with us standing there and staring at each other but when he shifted towards me I threw caution, reason, and sanity to the wind. I grabbed his hand and dragged him into my room with me.
The look on his face was feral as he shoved me against the door and let it slam shut at my back. I scrambled to lock it as he picked me up like I weighed absolutely nothing and tossed me on my bed. In a moment of horror and shame Bob, the vibrator, went flying and landed on the floor by Ryder’s feet.
I covered my face with my hands and groaned. “Can we pretend that didn’t happen?”
“What if I don’t want to?” Between my fingers I watched him pick my toy up and switch it on. His eyebrows raised as he looked back at me. “What if I want to see you use it?”
My entire body flushed bright red but my perverted vagina clenched desperately. I couldn’t use a sex toy in front of him. I couldn’t. Yet, when he came closer, eyes narrowed in focus as he gently ran the vibrator up my leg, I reconsidered. I was still angry at him over how he’d pulled away from me during our last experience and I felt the need to let him know it. “I’ll probably have to if you run away again.”
He put one knee on my bed and leaned forward, resting his weight on his hands on either side of my head. “I’m not going anywhere, Savannah. It’s not happening.”
***Savannah***
Icrushed a wave of vulnerability and wrapped my arms around Ryder’s neck. Tugging him down, I kissed him eagerly, excited to feel his lips on mine again. He was just rougher than anyone I’d ever kissed before. He was bigger, stronger, and tougher and it made me feel precious and dainty. I loved the way he nipped and bit me, like he was losing control the more he touched me.
He lifted his head enough to meet my eyes. “I want to see you fuck yourself. I want to see how you push that cock in and how you come around it.”
I swallowed. “Can I… Can I watch you, too?”
He growled and pushed himself back on his heels. His towel was yanked away without ceremony and then I was staring at Ryder in all his naked glory, hard cock fully on display. It should’ve been bronzed and put in a museum. It was big and beautiful. When he wrapped his big fist around it and squeezed I actually whined. I’d never seen anything so erotic.
With him kneeling between my legs I had to build up my courage to pull my towel open. I took a deep breath and then nearly choked on it when Ryder yanked the towel open andout from under me, tossing it across the room. It knocked over things on my desk but I didn’t care. I tried to squeeze my legs shut to hide myself but Ryder growled. He didn’t get it. Jax didn’t get it. My ex might not have been as good at writing his own stories but he’d been great at slowly degrading me when we were alone until I was terrified that my body was weird and wrong.
He hadn’t wanted to go down on me. Ever. He said I smelled funny and that it wasn’t exactly pretty down there. Even though I knew he was just a selfish asshole, I still held my breath as Ryder refused to let me hide. I waited for him to say something, anything, about my body and what was wrong with it. Maybe Jax hadn’t noticed anything but Ryder would.
“S-sorry if I smell or anything… I didn’t…. I would’ve…”
Ryder’s eyebrows shot up his forehead and then a dark scowl transformed his face. “Let me see you, Savannah.”
I shook as I opened my legs wider. I was afraid to see his reaction but I couldn’t look away. Not when he was inhaling like I’d left a pie cooling in the window. I jumped when he slid his finger through my slippery folds and stopped breathing when he brought that finger to his mouth and licked it clean.
