Page 34 of Hate the Game
I heard a few guys laughing in the bathroom and shivered. Was I broken? Was I going to start wanting any and every random guy to take me? What the hell had unlocked the depravity inside me? Would I be able to go back to normal? Was something meant to disperse karma to the guys who’d hurt my brothers turning into something that I wouldn’t recover from?
I knew that I was letting anxiety send me into a spiral but I couldn’t seem to stop it. I needed the security of my room. I rushed through the rest of my shower and through drying off. I barely took the time to tie my robe securely before hurrying out of the bathroom.
Ryder was coming out of his room just as I got to mine but I didn’t look up at him. I let myself into my room and shut the door as fast as I could. I didn’t breathe again until I had the door locked and was on the other side of the room.
How the hell was I supposed to ruin them when all I wanted was to let them ruin me first?
***Savannah***
My phone rang just minutes after I’d gotten dressed in my slouchiest clothes. I looked at it and saw that Weston was video calling me. Another wave of panic hit me but I forced myself to take a deep breath and talk to my brother. For all the good I wasn’t doing them so far, I couldn’t add onto my guilt that I was avoiding them, too.
I sat at my desk to answer the call and was surprised to see all three of my brothers’ faces shoved close to the screen. My heart warmed at the sight of them. The urge to cry came right back and my nose started burning. “Y’all are so cute all smushed together like that.”
Cash leaned even closer to the camera and frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“What do you mean? What’s wrong with her?” Hayes pushed Cash back and leaned forward. “What’s wrong, Vannah?”
Weston was suddenly the only one on camera. “It’s my fucking phone. Back up. Are you okay, Vannah? What’s going on? Why do you look like you’re about to cry?”
I sniffed and did my best to blink back the tears. “I’m fine! Really. I just miss y’all.”
“She’s bullshitting us.” Half of Cash’s face appeared. “Don’t lie to us, Vannah. Spit it out.”
Like hell would I ever tell my brothers what was wrong with me. At least the worst part of it. I had the sinking feeling that things would change between us if they knew I’d been all over Ryder the night before. I was betraying them and they’d be furious. The one trait that they’d gotten from our dad that sucked the most was that they didn’t forgive easily. Once they were wronged they held onto that anger.
“Vannah?”
I forced a laugh and sat up straighter. “I’m just in my feelings. I guess a part of me thought I’d be done here already and back home. I miss y’all.”
Weston shook his head. “That’s not it.”
Hayes suddenly growled and then all I could see was his forehead and part of the bridge of his nose and eyes. “What the fuck happened to your neck, Savannah Lane Ford?”
My hand flew to my neck and my entire body flushed. “Nothing.”
Cash swore. “Bullshit. You’ve been hooking up with someone? Who is it? It’s not another professor, is it? What happened? What’d they do to upset you?”
I flinched and lost my battle with my tears. “You think I’d do that again?”
Weston took the phone back and sighed. “He didn’t mean it like that. We all know you wouldn’t put yourself in a situation like that again. You’re smarter now. Talk to us, though, Vannah. Whose ass do we need to kick?”
I sucked in my emotions as hard as I could. I knew Cash meant what he said. I also knew that while Weston meant to comfortme, his words revealed so much. He considered everything with Charlie a situation I’d been stupid enough to put myself in.
The little voice in the back of my head made itself heard. I had been stupid enough to put myself in a situation just as bad, hadn’t I? I hadn’t learned anything. Instead of just hurting me, though, what I was doing with the guys would hurt my brothers, too. I didn’t have the right to be upset about their thinking towards my situation with Charlie.
“We can get on a plane and be there in just a few hours, Vannah.” Weston’s soft tone just about killed me. “What do you need?”
I needed to be kicked in the throat for letting any of The Apex Three touch me. I needed to get the hell away from them. I needed to not feel lower than garbage for betraying my brothers. When I stopped being so goddamn selfish and thought about my brothers, I wanted to break things. Weston still hadn’t played in a game. Hayes wasn’t the same. Even worried about me I could see past it and through to the pain they were in. When Weston shifted a certain way, his eyebrows pinched together just slightly. Hayes didn’t look like himself anymore. Cash seemed angrier than ever. And I was begging the men who’d hurt them to touch me.
“You can’t come here.” I swallowed the lump in my throat and gripped the front of my sweatshirt to hide my neck. “I’m going to finish this the way I planned to and I can’t have you three here, revealing everything. I’m okay. Trust me. I’m adult enough to handle my own shit.”
Cash wrestled the phone from Weston. “Whoever did that to your neck needs to have their teeth kicked in, Vannah. You look like you were attacked by a fucking bear. You weren’t, though, right? Attacked, I mean. Did someone hurt you?”
I shook my head. “No. No one hurt me. It’s nothing. I have it handled.”
“If it’s nothing, why does it need to be handled?” He frowned and blew out a deep sigh. “I don’t like this. I think you need to come back home. We can get those fuckers some other way.”
I had to change the subject before I lost it. “What are y’all doing home and calling me? Don’t you have a game tonight?”
