Page 75 of Miss Humbug
Shawn glanced to Cara who nodded. So subtle I could have missed it. Well, well. Maybe my family noticed more than I thought.
Grans continued to look generally pleased. “Despite a few bumps in the road, you all are a clever bunch who understand compassion. I trust you’ll make good decisions together. If I believed any of you were truly cutthroat, I wouldn’t have left the estate planning to you.”
“But you didn’t,” I reminded her. “You told us you would decide and we went behind your back and planned this anyway.”
Shawn kicked me under the table. “You’re making it worse.”
Grans smiled again. “Didn’t I? Somehow, things went exactly as planned. Minus disgracing the town square’s religious display.”
Even if the town forgot, Grans wouldn’t.
Grans played us. She knew we wouldn’t tolerate having the decision made for us, which put us in the hot seat to figure out a plan on our own. Smart one, that Grans.
I had the feeling our trustees would make the right call on what to do with the tree farm land.
But that still left me with dozens of unanswered questions. Like, where would I live? Where would I work? Would I continue to push Ethan away, even though the last thing I wanted was more distance from him?
Since I hadn’t helped a lick with cooking dinner, I took on dish duty. Grans followed me to the kitchen.
“I hope you’ll invite Ethan to the house for Christmas if he can take time from his own family.”
I edged the faucet to scalding. The sting of hot water dulled the hurt over Ethan. “I don’t know.”
“What was that mumble-jumble?”
Grans had great distaste for mumbled responses. Even worse when the response was: I don’t know.
I shut off the water and spoke more clearly. “I’m not sure he’ll want to. We left things kind of…unfinished.”
“Well, unfinished sounds like you need to talk it out. Over holiday ham and pies.”
“Not everything can be solved with pie, Grans.”
She feigned a shocked posture. “Have you tried my blueberry crumble?”
“I’m serious. I don’t have my life together. Ethan said he’d drop everything for me—for me—and I can’t let him. I still need to go back to California. Pack up my things and then what? Do I stick it out there and find another roommate? Another job? My car is there. If I come back here, do I sell it? What about Murdoch? I’ve never sold a car before. I’ve only ever bought the one. I’ve never had to do any of this!”
My haphazard thoughts blurred and the unsettled feeling now morphed into a larger panic. Gentle arms encircled me.
“Being a young woman in her twenties is the hardest time I can think of,” she said. “There’s so much to decide. So much pressure. Your pressures are different from what I faced but no less difficult. You have so many choices. More than I had. I imagine that can be intimidating. What if you choose wrong?”
I looked at Grans. “That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. What if I already chose wrong?”
“You’ve made thoughtful decisions so far. I was wondering if the idea of choosing wrong had you knotted up. My mind works the same way.” She looked at me with all her years of experience and wisdom. “You’re accomplished and independent. I couldn’t ask for anything more. Your parents would be so proud.”
My parents, more of a legend than a memory for me. I took Grans’ word. If she was proud of me, I could believe my parents would be too.
I’d wanted so badly to prove I could stand on my own. I’d accomplished so much since leaving home. I’d graduated from college and graduate school, found a job in my industry, lived on my own, and created an identity apart from my family. I just convinced everyone to honor Gramps’ land arrangement with the Sawyers. Ihadproven myself.
Now I needed to believe it. And believing I could stand on my own meant I could do that anywhere. Even here in Crystal Cove. I wasn’t a failure if I came back. I also didn’t need to stay here forever.
Grans nailed it. I had options. Exciting options. I could doanything.
“I don’t know if I’ll stay in Crystal Cove for good.” Slowly, a plan emerged in my mind. “There are a lot of places to explore. But I’d like to come back and figure out my next move.”
“I won’t be moving for some time yet, so you have a room here. My condo will have a guest room.Oneguest room.”
I faced Grans and gave her a hug. A real big one with a tight squeeze.
