Page 15 of Miss Humbug
I rubbed my arms for warmth. “Shawn filling in the blanks made me think. Not only does us dating cover for our arrangement in case anyone asks why you’re around so much, it also gives me credibility with my family for the competition. No one has taken me seriously so far. They assume I’m going to take off right back to California.”
“And you’re not?”
“I…”
“You probably have a good job out there. And you said yourself you never wanted to live in Crystal Cove forever.”
“I have a lot to sort out.” I wasn’t ready to talk about the job layoff and the crushing emotions surrounding it. How I’d lost what I’d worked so long toward simply because I didn’t fit the data points in the company merger. Plenty of people were laid off every day and found new jobs. I couldn’t put into words why this setback stalled my momentum so hard. And how confusing it felt being home again with people who knew every little thing about me; both frustrating and a comfort. “I meant with us being together they’ll see I have more than half a foot planted back in Crystal Cove.”
“Do you?”
“Do I what?”
“Have more than half a—like, a full foot—” He shook his head. “Do you think you’ll move back?”
“I, well... I might. I could.” My breath came out in a puff in the cold air. “I have an equal shot at this house and it’s too good an opportunity to pass up. We can say we’ve been chatting long distance and after seeing each other this weekend…” I flitted a hand in the air.
Ethan mimicked my hand motion. “Seeing each other what?”
He was going to make me say it. With actual words.
I couldn’t admit the whole, embarrassing truth. That once upon a time, I’d crushed on Ethan. I’d crushed hard. Around seventh grade, it was as if a switch had turned and I became hyper aware of every interaction between us. He wasn’t simply Ethan, the boy next door. He was aboy who’d been in my bedroom.
Ethan had scored his driver’s license before most of our grade. He drove his uncle’s old truck like he’d been driving since he was twelve. Driving just made guys cooler: fact. I’d seen how other girls looked at him. I became terrified he’d notice I was looking too. What if I’d told Ethan I liked him as possibly more than a friend and he cut me off for good? Never talked to me again? Better not to risk it.
By then, I’d grown into such a funk about holidays, I’d started distancing myself from my family and, by default, Ethan. I’d hated how everyone in town looked at me with sad, pitying eyes. I couldn’t escape the reputation of being the kid whose parents died in a tragic accident. That sort of thing wore on a gal. I couldn’t bear dumping all my humbuggery on someone so genuinely festive. Ethan had always had a heart for festive things.
Instead, I’d embraced what everyone thought of me anyway. I started wearing a lot of black. Not always black—sometimes I mixed in gray tones. I avoided anything near to or involving the wordfestival. I found my own group of morose outcasts: theater kids (but not musical theater—too perky), science kids and brainiacs, and the public library’s local anime club.
I never wanted to wreck Ethan’s joy with my offbeat brand of not-actual-sadness. I wasn’t sad, but everyone seemed to want me to be. I wore their expectations like I wore my family name: at times begrudgingly, but always inevitably.
All my protectiveness over Ethan and I’d ended up disengaging completely, losing the friendship anyway.
Now? None of that mattered. Dating each other made a great excuse for us to each get what we wanted. Faking the dating part, obviously.
And no way would I tell him about my crushing teenage heart. Nope. Not a chance.
I needed to spell out what I meant. I looked at Ethan. “That seeing each other the other night confirmed our…feelings. Between us. And now we’re dating. Because feelings.” There. I said it. “We do this for now to get what we want. Work together for the competition. I win the house, you get your land. Everybody wins.” It was so simple!
“Okay.” He swallowed. “I guess this is my fault since I brought up teaming together in the first place.”
Fault? Yikes. “I’m notthatmuch a humbug, am I? Can you stand to be around me for the season?”
“Marlowe, come on. You know that’s not what I meant.” Ethan’s gaze lingered, as if he wanted to say more. Only he didn’t. He opened the door to his truck. Not the old truck he had in high school, but one that still made him look downright hot, if I was bold enough to admit it.
Not out loud. I’d never admit it out loud.
He started the truck and rolled the window down halfway. A jingly pop song drifted out with lyrics about snow and presents under the tree.
“Ugh, holiday radio?” I waved off the putrid stench.
“Oh yeah. WKCC is twenty-four-seven holiday music. Get ready to get jolly.”
Exactly what I’d asked for, and yet I dreaded the very thought of it.
I needed to make some choices.
If I aimed to stay in Crystal Cove for this ludicrous competition, I needed a plan. The next day, I texted my roommate Anna in San Jose about my plans. I scheduled my portion of the rent with automatic bill pay. I’d be good for another month rent-wise before I had to make Really Big Choices.
