Page 100 of Lady and the Camp
“How did you leave things with Lucas?” Jillian finally asked.
“Amicably,” I stated. “I mean, if we’re honest, we both knew whatever was between us was temporary. We were never going to be anything more.”
A humming sound of doubt came from Marcy. On the screen, Noah scrunched her nose and Jillian made an unidentifiable face.
“What?” I asked. “Come on. He hates being online, loves the woods and silence, and I…” I almost said I was the opposite, but that didn’t feel right. I’d enjoyed my time off-grid in ways I hadn’t expected. The boat rides, the hikes, becoming a yarn craft master.
And Lucas. His protective sense felt natural, not manufactured. Not like he was supposed to protect me as a man, but because he valued me, and he wanted the best for those he valued. I saw it in his daily actions with the camp. As much as he grumbled over the job, he’d sacrificed his own dreams and goals to help others.
And he’d listened to me. He’dseenme.
Not many people beyond those on this video call had seen into my real self. Because I hadn’t let them. I’d let my online brand speak for me, ever the social butterfly, flitting around those who had connections and pivoting to gain access to what I wanted.
I shook sense into myself. “Lucas has a dream to lead outdoor expeditions for that company in Colorado. It sounds incredible. He has a video interview. I wish him the best.”
Marcy snorted. “He’s never even been to Colorado.”
I must have heard her wrong. “What are you talking about? It’s his entire career goal.”
“I know for a fact he’s never been there. He believes it’s some kind of utopia for outdoor adventuring. He’s never lived more than a few hours from where he grew up. He visits his mother every month. I don’t buy that he’s going to take off and live some place he’s never even visited.”
“Nope, me neither,” said Noah. “We witnessed you two together. Look, I’ll say it because Marcy can’t. Lucas is a babe. And he completely and totally fell for you. I don’t know how you walk away from that.”
How could I walk away? Because I had to. He might never have taken the chance on his dream if I stuck around, keeping his world small and safe. Whether he’d been to Colorado or not, he’d hung his hopes there.
He’d done the same. He’d let me go. We were on different paths in life and he knew it same as I did. No way would I ever be capable of surviving in the woods without my creature comforts, nor did I want to, and he detested just about everything I liked doing. What a disaster.
“I see Hudson’s struggle,” Jillian said since I hadn’t spoken. “She needs to figure out what she needs and wants and not mold her life around a guy. No matter how great that guy is.”
The three of them volleyed opinions back and forth. My mind wandered to Lucas and how short he’d sold himself. I’d meant it when I said I was proud of him for going for his dream. Especially now knowing he’d never uprooted to such extremes.
We’d done the right thing. The right, sad, lonely thing.
Noah was on to something. I wouldn’t be satisfied if I took a random receptionist job and lived with my parents. I needed to think bigger. To reach higher and actually take action.
Later that night, alone in Marcy’s spare room, I logged into my Beauty Butterfly Instagram account. So much of myself had gone into my posts. Before my account became my brand, before I’d met celebrities and influencers, it was just me and a camera posting what I wanted. Silly videos on YouTube when I had barely ten subscribers. I had fun with it. I posted because I liked connecting with people. That’s what I wanted to get back to.
Nuking the account felt too extreme. I’d regret it later. But something had to change if I started posting again. I couldn’t go back to business as usual. Nothing about my life fitusual.
I spent some time scrolling, eventually going down a rabbit hole reading about actual butterflies. Most butterflies only lived days to months in their adult form. Hardly any time at all. But still, they left their mark on the world. A beautiful mark.
After a bit more searching, I found a lovely butterfly photo on a site featuring free image distribution.
I posted the single image with a caption reading:
Thank you, but not goodbye.
I’d be back, changed, and then I’d spread my wings.
The butterfly image I’d chosen was an Atala, a naturally poisonous butterfly. Because beauty didn’t have to mean fragile, and I when I came back, whatever the form, I’d be stronger than ever.
Chapter 34
Lucas
Iclickedtheinternetbrowser window closed on the camp office computer. Whew. That was done with.
My office door opened and Twila walked in. “How’d the interview go, Boss?”
