Page 83 of Lady and the Camp
Camp Junebug deserved a director who was all-in. I’d give the job what I had day by day, but these past few weeks proved I needed to move on.
Hudson proved I needed to move on.
It can be surprising who sees you for who you are.
We had nothing in common. Nothing and somehow everything. This fashion diva who’d shown up to my corner of the wilderness managed to shake my world. She did foolish things and brave things. She faced and ran from her fears. But below the surface, she wanted what I did. To discover purpose. To do meaningful things. To find…love.
I found purpose and meaning outdoors. Not managing budgets and parent complaints. This job was a means to an end, but if I wasn’t actively looking to move on, then I was hiding, just like her.
Almost as if I’d been hiding for a long time.
My truth, like the campers’ truth or dare (which I wasn’t intentionally listening to until it got to Hudson), was that fear held me back. Fear that my dream job didn’t want me.
It couldn’t reject me if I never applied.
Because I hadn’t. I took one look at the requirements for the Colorado wilderness adventure job and talked myself out of it. This plan to get experience under my belt? A distraction. I could twist it any way I liked, but the bottom line practically screamed at me:you’re scared to live your dream, so you settle for what’s safer.
For a guy claiming he dreamed of leading survivalist expeditions, guiding ten-year-olds through the woods while checking off leaves on bingo cards sure played it safe.
It wasn’t all bad here. The kids were funny (when they weren’t crying), Maggie was a dependable team player, and the kitchen crew added a dose of reality when I needed it.
But this sure wasn’t rock climbing in the mountains. Or fishing for the night’s dinner.
Maybe my playing it safe was like Hudson with her videos. That immediate gratification of followers and making famous friends held her back from reaching bigger. Well, she’d reached for bigger, but she’d said outright it hadn’t been what she really wanted.
What did she want? Did she want me? Was I more than a temporary distraction?
Everything about our interactions were based on happenstance. She needed a place to lay low. I was so desperate for camp staff we’d take anyone. She was coming off a breakup and I happened to be living and breathing near her.
I stood and paced my office. I was so different than Hudson’s usual taste, maybe being with me seemed exciting or dangerous.
I liked to feel dangerous. I hadn’t felt that way in a long time. Kind of hard to when daily camp life revolved around skinned knees and songs about bugs.
But once Hudson was out of here, or when I was out of here, what would be left of us?
I’d built this idea of becoming a wilderness guide for action-adventure seekers, but what if I couldn’t hack it? Construction jobs offered more security. I could always go back to work that wasn’t so complicated.
But that was an excuse. None of this was complicated. I was simply scared.
I sat again and pulled up the camp Instagram account on my office computer. Thanks to Hudson’s recent efforts, Twila informed me that camp enrollment had filled for the summer. The proof was in the comments below every post:
Do you have camp sessions open? My 9-year-old is begging to go to camp.
Any open weeks left?
Are your rates the same as the website? That’s a good deal!
Interest was up, I had an offer of free canoes if I was willing to drive to Cheboygan, and Twila was strangely not nosing into my business.
My phone lit with a text. Huh. Brycen.
Are we still on for the Summer Trail Games? I know it’s been a rough week. We wanted to know if Wednesday would work instead of Saturday.
My thoughts raged. That threw our whole camp schedule off. And what about my meet-up group? They worked on weekdays.
I wasn’t good with texts. I did the thing I swore I wouldn’t. I called him.
“Hey,” Brycen answered. “Assuming you got my message.”
