Page 80 of Keeping Her Under
“But I don’t forgive myself.”
She smiles. “I know. And that’s how I know you won’t hurt me.” Cupping her breasts, she starts to tease her own nipples.
My mouth waters as I watch them get erect.
“I need your head between my thighs at least,” she sighs. “You don’t have to fuck me; just come take care of me.”
I stumble forward and then drop to my knees. She scoots to the edge of the swing, and I bury my tongue into her pussy.
She moans. I lift her legs onto my shoulders. The weight of her on me makes me harder. I want to be lying on the floor while she rides me. But that’s too close to me losing control, and I can’t risk being triggered while I’m with her. But one day… One day, maybe I’ll get well enough for her to do that.
Groaning into her flesh, I jerk myself off hard and fast. I need the violence of the act right now. Not the slow kisses and the worshipping of her body.
The men’s hands are all over me.
Their cocks are all inside me.
Their mouth goes down on me.
And remembering the slap of their hips, I shoot out a fountain of cum.
But it’s not pleasure that rushes through me. It’s hate and self-disgust and pain.
Rising to my feet, my cock still squirting, I shove it inside her ass.
She screams as she pushes against my chest.
I grab her neck and squeeze to shut her up. I can’t hear her hatred of me. Her disgust.
Shuddering, I start to cry. She trusted me not to hurt her, and here I am, doing exactly that. I’ve infected her with my disease.
Her hands slide up to my shoulders. She pulls herself further on me. As she starts to fuck me hard and fast, I look up in utter confusion.
My fingers loosen around her throat.
“That’s it, Rath,” she purrs. “Let me take care of you.”
Collapsing against her chest, I cry against her shoulder. I hug her tight as she rides my once-again hardening cock. In broken Korean words, I tell her how I’m not worthy, how she deserves someone so much better.
I tell her all about how they raped me. How my own mother watched.
And I tell her something I never even told Asher.
Sometimes… in order to score another hit, my own mother joined in.
Summer kisses me, unable to understand what I’m saying. But there is a freedom that comes from talking about it. From shoving my demons out in the open. Their shame is no longer mine. It’s out into the world. It’s a truth that can no longer hide.
They raped me.
They stole from me.
They broke me.
But in her arms, I’m fighting back.
I won’t let those moments define me any longer.
As she comes in my arms, I hold her close and breathe hard. For the first time, thinking about my past didn’t trigger an orgasm, and that knowledge floors me. Choking with emotion, I start to fuck her like I’ve always wanted to.
