Page 246 of Jagged Souls
So I look her in the eyes and do my best to read her despite the impassable walls she has up.
The first step to reaching her, though, is bringing my own walls down.
So I take a moment to figure out what to say, and when I finally speak, I don’t say sorry. “You were right, Micha. I’ve been avoiding facing what happened on that yacht, and it was wrong of me to think that what I was doing was better than what you were.” I purse my lips. As much as I believe that though, the only thing that matters is – “It is not on me to judge how you cope.”
She glances away, her eyes wet.
“But I would like for you to talk to me. We’ve struggled with that a bit, huh?” I say, trying to add a bit of humor.
“Italkedto you,” she says, rounding on me in anger. “I told you I was innocent, and you didn’t believe me.”
“You’re right.I’vestruggled with that. Sor– I shouldn’t have blamed you.”
Her lips tremble, but she clenches her jaw.
“I shouldn’t have hit you either.”
She looks at me, her eyes so full of pain. Of knowledge of what she did. “You told me to stop. I should’ve stopped.”
It’s my turn to look away. Take a deep breath and gather myself. “Even still, I should have been discussing this with Maddox. Therapy doesn’t really work if you don’t talk about your issues.”
“Don’t blame yourself,” she snaps. “Blame –”
“I’m not going to blame you –”
“You should.”
“Perhaps,” I concede. “But I’m not going to.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’ll just use it as another way to tell yourself you’re a monster.”
She flinches, and I thank the gods I talked to Maddox about her, trying to understand what she is going through. He’s kept all her secrets to himself, but he’s just helped me see what her new walls mean.
“So you see, you’re not the only one making mistakes. But that’s what they are, little monster.Mistakes. Those do not define us. How we deal with them is what does.”
She swallows, but she doesn’t look at me.
“I haven’t touched you,” I say, recalling our argument from yesterday before she cut me off, “because I don’t think you’re ready –”
“I am –”
I shake my head. “You want a poor man’s version of V, and I want to be more than that to you.”
“If that’s all I wanted, I could sleep with anyone here.”
I growl, a primitive noise I can’t stop. “Good luck fucking trying.” Marching over to the door, I yank it open. The men and women lingering around in curiosity scramble to look busy, but I want them to hear this, so I raise my voice. “If anyone here even fuckinglooksat my wife like they want to fuck her, I will kill them and every friend and family they have.”
She hurries over to me and slams the door shut before rounding on me, forcing me back. “You’re such a fucking neanderthal!” she shouts, her cheeks flushed.
I grin as I look down at her, my jealousy settling a little as we feel, almost, like we did before. “Only ever with you,” I say softly.
She glances away, and my smile drops. But we still feel better than we did before, so I’ll take it.
“There’s another reason I haven’t touched you too,” I say, getting us back on track even though I’d much rather be on said track, tied down as a train barrels towards my face.
I look up towards the ceiling, only to focus quickly back on my wife, using her presence to ground me. To keep the nightmares from rising too brutally.
