Page 141 of Jagged Souls
But he doesn’t understand that thisissaving me.
This is the only way free.
I climb to my feet, then shuffle back a bit, just enough so that when I fall, the base of my skull will land on the bit of glass. A few inches of penetration is all I need… If I destroy my brainstem, death will be instant. It’s how they kill cows when they shoot them in the head. Eduardo can keep my heart going – hel, it’ll keep going on its own for a bit, but my mind and soul will be gone.Iwill be gone, and the only way they’ll be able to bring me back is through necromancy.
Eduardo will keep my body alive, my heart pumping, same as if I’m on a life support machine, and they’ll use me as an incubator. They’ll breed me, abuse me.
ButIwill be free.
With a peaceful weight in my chest, I fall back without hesitation. Time slows, and in this dragged out moment, I think about Dayne.
I think about Lou.
And I think about Varius.
Unbidden, one of my happiest moments come back to me.
A time before all the betrayal. Before the pain. When our love was young and full of hope.
I’m singing at a karaoke bar, belting out songs with a cracked voice. I’m way out of tune. The crowd is drunk, having bought drink after drink just to get through my performance. They all want to leave, but none of them will dare, too scared of disrespecting my fiance, the Boss of the Shadow Domain – the man I’m falling in love with.
Hopping down from the stage, I head over to him, my heart so full I can barely breathe. I never want this night to end. Never want to face the day of what the future is about to bring.
“Let’s get out of here,” I say.
“Are you sure?” He brought me here because it was a dream of mine as a kid – to sing karaoke, to be normal for once rather than a training assassin, and he wants to make sure I’m not just done because his brother, the reaper, looks like he wants to rip out my vocal cords so he doesn’t have to endure any more of my ‘singing.’ I wish I could bring Rafiki here. Or just reenact this in our living room. Where she giggles and preens and smiles so bright, it matches the stars in the sky. I wish for so many things...
“Yes,” I say with a smile so wide it hurts. It’s a good pain though. A happy pain. Looking into his eyes, I murmur, “I could really demolish a burger right now.”
His eyes light up, hearing the words within those words: “I like you.” And those words stare back at me too, just more intense. “I love you.”
And I feel it then, the depth of it, and the fear inside him too.
What it would mean to love me when he doesn’t trust me.
Can’t trust me because he doesn’t know what that word means. Never learned it.
He has only ever known betrayal.
But he looks at me with such willingness to learn despite the fear of past experiences come to haunt him.
“I like burgers,” he says.
“I love you.”
“I love you, Micha Shadow.”
But now that love is gone. Turned bitter from a broken heart and betrayals too deep to fix. He took my eyes after promising me he’d never hurt me again. He abandoned me here. How long has it been, and he still hasn’t come for me? He still hasn’t killed me, using up the blood bond until the magic of it takes my life as payment rather than our shared blood.
So I’m saving myself the only way I can.
Taking the only course left to me.
Time rushes forward again, but before I can hit the piece of glass and hope it cuts deep enough to actually destroy my brain stem rather than just hurt a fuckton, I’m tackled from the side.
I scream as my hope is ripped from me. I am pushed through the air by a massive body of fur. The ground slams into me, and the beast lands on top of me. Pain punches through my body, but the tears come from the agony in my soul.
I am never escaping this hel.
