Page 256 of Jagged Souls
I need it.
It’ll help more than therapy.
If he loves me, he’ll get it.
And I know he loves me. I can use that. Use him. I just need the V.
“Micha,” he murmurs as he opens his eye, and I look into it looking into me.
I see his disappointment at what I’ve asked. But I also see his willingness. His need to help me in some way when I’m this broken.
Fuck.
I can’t do this. I can’t use him like this. I’m tainting even the purity between us. He walked into hel for me and called it heaven purely because I was there.
And I’m repaying him by doing this.
I’m nothing but a monster. He should’ve left me in hel.
Cupping my face with his dirty hands, Varius rubs the earthy scent over my skin, grounding me in the scent of home. “Will you let me touch you without the V?” he asks.
“It won’t be enough –”
“We could strengthen the blood bond,” Varius says softly. “Then it will be.”
I tremble, wanting to deny him. I don’t want to use the bond. Don’t want to infect it with my disease.
But I need the pain to stop.
It’s consuming me.
Breaking me.
And there’s not much left to break. Just splinters of a soul dead and gone. Why couldn’t they have left me be? I was fine until they pushed me into therapy.
The hollowness of my womb mocks me. The fact that it was Varius’ child.
I’m a terrible mother.
A terrible person.
But at least I did it while it was still a fetus, incapable of feeling pain.
Instead of letting it grow. Be born. Then hurting it with all my addiction. My sickness. My bad decisions and trauma packed brain, where there’s no room for nurturing and love.
“Just make it stop,” I beg. I don’t care if it’s a poor man’s version of V. I just need it all to stop.
“I will try, little monster,” Varius murmurs as he slips one hand between our bodies. Under my waistband. My panties. Until he’s stroking between my lips.
I tense, feeling fear rather than the pleasure I expected. His other hand feathers its thumb across my cheek. “Smell the earth,” he murmurs. “You’re not on that ship.”
I inhale deeply, clinging to the aroma I never smelled out at sea. The grass and the flowers and the bark of the trees. The outdoors. The freedom. The safety.
“Hear the birds.” They chip around us, feeling at ease in our presence. They’re not hiding from the monster in their home. They see a part of me I do not.
He leans his head down, hovering an inch away from kissing me. “Feel my breath on your lips,” he murmurs. He dips his head even lower trailing his mouth across my neck. “Feel my fangs.
“Seeme, little monster. Look at my face and know it’s me. I’ll never hurt you.”
