Page 252 of Jagged Souls
“Micha!” Varius says, concerned for my sanity. “Maddox, do something.”
“She’s laughing, bruh. Let her get it out.”
“She just ki–” He clamps his mouth shut, but I already heard the words, the accusation, and now I know that thing inside me wasours.Varius’ and mine, not Bear’s or Sadist’s or Antonio’s…Ours.And I just killed it. Somberness hits me like a fucking truck. As quick as it started, the laughing stops, but I feel so utterly drained.
“I wasn’t laughing because of that,” I say as I open my eyes and sit up. Everyone in the house but Sau is sitting around me. She must have used a lot of magic to save me. The build-up of magic in her system isn’t going down like it should be. Combined with her curse… I might’ve just killed her too.
My heart twists with guilt. “How’s Sau?”
“Resting,” Varius says, but the way the other brothers are sitting rigid on the chairs they pulled up to my bedside tell me she isn’t good.
I look at Enoch, wondering if he’ll kill me for being a threat to his family. His face is an utter mask as he looks at me, and a shiver runs down my spine. For a moment, he looked too much like Khalid. A reaper through and through.
“How do you fe–”
“Did you know it was Varius’ kid when you did it?”
The men all shove to their feet as Sau’s voice wafts from the door. The twins go to help her stand, seeing her leaning against the door frame. Khalid and Maddox move in front of Varius as he turns on her in barely-controlled anger.
“Stop,” he snaps. “She doesn’t need to hear this.”
Her fierce green eyes bore into mine. I shake my head. I didn’t know. “You will never have another child,” she says. “That was his only heir.”
“Get her out,” Varius snarls, his words low and lethal. My mouth falls open as I stare at her. I gasp for air as the grief in my chest starts to suffocate me.
I didn’t know. But…
“I can’t be a mother,” I whisper.
“I’m not judging you.” She stares deep into all the twisted parts of me.Seesme.“There was a time I couldn’t either.”
“Enoch –” Varius snaps.
“No,” I cut in, my voice raspy. I need to hear what she has to say. I’m floundering in that fucking sea I was adrift in for months, and her eyes are so damncalm.
He turns to me, studies me, but my eyes stay on Sau.
“When I came out of the Plane of Monsters and found out the last of my children was dead, I refused to have any more until I brought peace to this city. I aborted three of them, and I would have helped you abort yours too if I had known where your head was.” Her lips tighten with self blame. “I thought you would be vocal enough to ask, so I assumed you were just avoiding it until you were ready. I kept the check-ups quick, thinking you wanted it because it was Varius’. But I shouldn’t have assumed. I’m s–”
“Not that phrase,” Varius cuts in, and my heart flips over. He’s been paying attention enough to know that I can’t bear to hear those damn two words. Fucking hel, what did I do to deserve him?
I finally turn to him to find him already looking at me with so much love in his eyes. Not an ounce of accusation lies within them even though I just killed his son, his only chance for an heir. I reach a shaky hand out for him, and he practically falls forward to grab it, and I hate myself even more for what I’ve done.
What I would’ve done again. Even knowing it was ours… I can’t bare the thought of leaving Bambi behind. Of moving on with another child while she should’ve been my first.
“I apologize,” Sau says. “If I’d known, I would’ve given you an abortion. Though I would have also told you that the amount of damage you suffered under Antonio means you would have struggled to carry to term again. Now, you will never conceive.” Her eyes soften. “But your son is a fighter.”
“He lives?” I ask as Varius tenses ever so subtly, his hand almost squeezing mine. He’s holding back his own desires and questions so this choice can be mine alone.
“For now. I do not know if he will survive. He’s twenty weeks and needs constant care. Louise is with him now.”
I shudder, my throat tightening. I don’t look at Varius.Can’t.I know what I’m going to say will hurt him, but… “I can’t be a mother.”
“You don’t have to be. He’ll have us. But if you are ever ready, then we can figure it out. Communication might not be my strong point. I’ve been making decisions all on my own for a long time. But learn from my mistakes, Micha. You are not alone.” She smiles at me. “You’re my daughter.”
I swallow down the emotions clogging my throat. Varius squeezes my hand, then raises it to his lips.
“Yeah, sis, you’re family,” Maddox says. “And we don’t leave family.”
