Page 240 of Jagged Souls
It’s suffocating me.
I stand abruptly.
“I told you I don’t need fucking therapy. I just wanted to have a bit of fun. That’s it. Taking V isn’t a big fucking deal. You guys are all being dramatic.”
“Do you think you can have fun without the V?”
I flinch, then turn on my heels.
I’m not running away.
I’m just yanking open the door and striding out.
I storm through the house, hating how shaken I have become in only a few minutes. My body is trembling. My heart is aching. I’m hurting so godsdamn much, and I don’t want to be. I’m out. I survived. I killed him. Why can’t Imove on?
I should be able to move on. Fuck!
I pick up a vase on a stand in the hallway and launch it at the other wall. My stomach drops as soon as the ceramic leaves my fingers. That was a flower Leno coaxed to life. I can’t kill it.
It smashes into pieces, and a cry rips from my throat.
You’re hurting everyone around you.
I don’t know how to stop.
Hurrying over to the fragmented pieces, I pick up the plant. It feels so heavy in my hands despite barely weighing anything at all.
A flurry of footsteps come up the stairs, and the door to Varius’ room opens. He didn’t come to me earlier, didn’t want to rush me, but he strides over to me now and stops just short of folding me in his arms.
“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” Enoch shouts as he reaches the top of the stairs and sees the mess on the floor. Leno loved this plant. He loved all of his plants, and he’s not here to grow any more. I’m destroying a part of him. A part of all of them.
I want to say, “I’m sorry,” but I can’t. The words trap in my throat. Grubs’ voice whispers in my ear, making me hate that damn fucking phrase, and my legs shake with a need to run. Varius steps in front of me as his brother marches down the hall.
“She didn’t mean to,” my husband says.
“She threw it across the fucking hall! How is that a damn accident? Leno isdead!”
Varius flinches. I flinch. Enoch’s face twists in pain, his anger draining out. “He’s dead,” he says softly, “and she’s breaking what little remains.”
I open my mouth to try to apologize once more, hating myself as much as he does, but I still can’t get the words out.
I’m not fine.
I’m fine.
Placing the plant back on the ground, I run past the two of them and down the stairs. I just need some fresh air. This whole house is fucking suffocating. That’s all.
I just need some air.
I don’t go out the front door though. Don’t go past Leno’s blooming flowers. He’s dead because of me, because I wasn’t strong enough to stop Antonio from taking me. Because I didn’t immediately go hide in the basement like I was supposed to, too much pride making me stupid enough to think I could help fight. I should’ve gone down there and helped strengthen the ward. I would’ve been safe.Wewould have been safe. And all the brothers who died trying to save me would still be here. Krypto would be too.
Fighting back a sob, I yank open the back door and run. A momentary thought flashes through my brain to jump into the pool and drown myself, but I know Varius will just fish me out. I can sense him right behind me, worried. Concerned. And that’s just pissing me off.
I’m not broken.
I don’t need to be chased after.
Watched over.
