Page 234 of Jagged Souls
Stop thinking about him.
Take another vial of V.
The temptation of that is almost impossible to ignore, but I only have an hour before I need to be back at the Shadow house. I don’t want Varius to be able to smell the V on me and think even less of me than he already does.
Shame hits me so fucking hard. Iamas dirty as he thinks I am though. I willingly fucked Grubs and Bear and Antonio and Sadist. I rode Bear’s corpse. Told him what to imagine about achild.
Pushing up from the office chair, I yank open the top left drawer of Ezriel’s desk. I grab another bottle of V. My hands shake as I try to fight the memories. The knowledge of what I’ve done.
“Fuck you, Dayne,” I rasp as all my self-hatred slams into me. I was fine before I found that fucking card. I managed to move away from the boat and all that happened there. I managed to move away from hisloss, from the hole in my heart. From all the grief.
From Antonio.
I was fine.
Iamfine.
Because Antonio is dead, and I’m alive, and I’m going to fuckingmove on.
I might manage to grieve Dayne and Rafiki one day, but I’m never going to grieve me. Because he didn’t break me.Ibrokehim.
“Micha…”Dayne murmurs, his voice in my head, as if even his ghost thinks his words alone can break me.
My throat tightens as I uncork the vial of V. “He didn’t turn me into a fucking victim,” I say to an empty room, an empty hole, an empty shell of a woman. “So don’tMichame. I survived all his shit, and I killed him.”
He stares at me in the guilt of my mind.
“I played my character to perfection. I got him to lower his guard, andI killed him.” I’m not a victim. He didn’t break me. I’m not going to fucking give him the satisfaction of giving me trauma. “It was just a job. An act to get my target, and I always get my target.”
I always got it with Dayne.
“I always got it with you.”
But he isn’t here anymore.
Just a ghost in my head.
A fuckinggood byeon a card.
Tears burn my throat and eyes, but I shove them back.
I will not cry one more fucking tear.
I amdone.
Antonio is done hurting me.
Hecan’thurt me anymore. He’s dead.
He’s fucking dead, and I’m done giving him any more parts of me.
I killed him.
I killed him.
“I killed him!” I throw the bottle of V at the opposite wall, my entire body shaking from a scream that’s building deep inside of me.
I killed them all.
