Page 231 of Jagged Souls
“How?” This time, he doesn’t even let me answer. He just leans forward and says, “You’ve had months to think about it, and you still don’t have an answer, do you?” He shakes his head. “There was nothing you could’ve done.”
“I –”
“No,” he cuts in, but if I’m being honest, I didn’t have any other thoughts lined up besides that one word anyway. “You ordered Mother and Rudy to find her, knowing they were the only ones capable of going alone.Theyfailed. I was the only one who could’ve pulled the demon free, andIfucked up. I should’ve closed the summoning circle.”
“Lou could’ve done it. It’s her expertise –”
“And the Prince of Pride would’ve just kidnapped her once she let him out of the circle. Then he would’ve either killed her or dragged her back to his world once he found out she was pregnant.”
“She said she could’ve figured out a better working –”
“She’s lying because of her own guilt. You know that. She’ssixteen. The demon is who knows how old. As smart as she is when it comes to summoning circles, she can’t compete with his experience. He would’ve found a way to take her. And Micha doesn’t want her in this life.”
“She’smy life.”
Maddox’s eyes soften as he looks at me. His empathy is through the fucking roof. It has to be to know how to torture someone psychologically in a way that will actually break them. He steps into their shoes as easily as if they’re his own. He understands them – all their fear and love and desire.
But he can’t understand this.
He can’t fucking understand that I could feel her dying with every passing day. That I felt her agony, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.
Leaning forward, I drop my head into my hands and say, “I should’ve been able to do something to help my wife.”
“You did. You never gave up on her. You went into hel for her, and you brought her home.”
“She saved herself. She played him like a fucking badass.”
“She would’ve died without you. She almost did die.” He frowns, looking off into the distance. Then he shakes his head. “She’s here because of you.”
“I should’ve got to her sooner.”
“You got to her when you could. You did nothing wrong.”
“I could’ve stepped through the teleportation circle at the school,” I say. Like I did at Orpheus’ cave.
“Then you’d both be dead. You needed me and Aleric. You got fuckingAlericto go into a cage on the Plane of Monsters for two months. That’s a fucking huge thing you did.”
“It’s not. He wanted to go in there for a year.” But I guess he found what he was looking for while he was in Maddox’s shadow because he hasn’t asked to go back.
“What? Why?” He shakes his head immediately as he holds up a hand, back to being my therapist rather than my curious brother. “Regardless of his reasons, you found out he wanted something and traded what you needed to with the devil himself. You dideverythingyou could’ve done for her, Varius.”
“I should’ve done more.”
“You couldn’t have.”
I frown, and he sighs. “I’m going to give you a game to play.”
“A game?”
“Yes. It’s something people do for fun.”
My eyes narrow. Mothersaidhe wasn’t Aleric’s, but I don’t know how much I believe her.
“It’ll help you.” He smiles. “Trust me.” His smile tells me I shouldn’t, but how much damage can he do with a game?
I storm into his room a few days later and throw my fucking laptop at him. “The game is stupid!” I roar. “Every time I jump, a pterodactyl comes out of the sky and fucking grabs me! And if I manage to dodge it, then I land on a bomb! And when I try to diffuse it, it sets off a timer, so I try to run away, only to get hit by a car! Which, if I take the time to try to dodge, the fucking bomb explodes and I’m in the radius! Which, by the way, takes up the whole map! It’s impossible to outrun! So I have to choose how to die – car or bomb. It’s unwinnable! There isn’t a lake to jump in or cover to take! Every fucking thing I try, it just kills me! This is a really fucking, stupid, fucking, dumb, fucking game!”
My chest heaves with all my anger. I want to throttle him for being an absolutelittle shit.
