Page 127 of Jagged Souls
“Has Elivici –” he starts.
“No.” I shut the door behind me, turn on the light, then sign for the silence rune. As soon as he wraps the room in privacy, I blurt, “Micha wants me to kill her.”
He freezes like a deer in headlights. I feel like the fucking truck. Out of control. Barreling down a hill with no brakes. Her agony is ripping through me, killing me, making it so fucking hard to breathe.
I stride over to the armchair, then collapse within it, my legs having used all their energy to get here. Dayne stays standing, his face beyond pale.
“No,” he says, his voice both raspy and strong. In denial.
I want to agree with him. I want to save her so fucking badly, be her white knight, and bring her home. But Micha is begging me to listen to her. Just like she did when I had her tied to a chair. My breathing quickens as I see her tears all over again, hear her screams that are never far from my mind.
It was agony to block her out the first time and do what I thought needed to be done in order to save my brother. I barely managed it, pulling on my anger and jealousy and utterfearthat I would fail Khalid. That I would arrive too late just because I let my feelings get in the way. Because I couldn’t do what needed to be done to get the information out of an enemy I barely knew, who I believed had helped kidnap him. An outsider I had just started to love versus a brother who had been there with me my whole damn life. I was able to suffer through her screams because I thought I was saving him.
But now there is no one to save but her.
Her death won’t change Rudy’s chances of survival.
Though even if it did… My heart tightens.
She is my wife.
I love Rudy like a son. I’d sacrifice everyone in this house to save him, myself included.
But…
She. Is. My. Wife.
I tremble as that truth slams into me. That utter terror at loving someone so deeply when you know you’re just about to lose them.
My power pulses beneath my skin, and I know if my curse wasn’t already broken, torn asunder by seeing Bambi for the first time, it would be shattered in this moment. In this horrible, terrible instance where I would be willing to give her up, to let her leave me for her own happiness.
Her own blissful release in death.
She might be an assassin, but she saves children. Surely, the gods will not punish her too severely…
And then she will be reborn. Given a new life. With no memory of me. No tie given the blood bond isn’t complete.
And yet… I would still set her free.
If she really wants this.
“You know her better than anyone,” I rasp, keeping my eyes on a random spot on the floor, unable to meet Dayne’s, unable to find that strength. I hate how little I actually know her, regret all the times I treated her like a stranger when she first came to the house instead of milking every last opportunity I had to be with her. I hate myself for torturing her, for not believing in her,in us. I mourn for the future we will not have. The days I will live without seeing her face or hearing her voice
No.
No, I won’t survive that.
I’ll kill myself immediately after. Then I’ll at least have the chance of finding her in the afterlife. For once we are reborn, all of our memories are wiped clean. A new slate. Abrokenslate in my mind.
But despite that desperate hope, deep down, I know the ugly truth.
If I do this, if I honor her wish, I will lose her forever. I could search for a thousand lifetimes, refuse to be reborn when the gods say it’s my time. I will keep searching until I forget her name, what she looks like, pulled only by the hole in my heart, and still, I will never find her.
Because the gods do not take kindly to those of us who have rejected their gift of a lifemate and chosen to create our own blood bonded mates.
But for her… I will do it.
I will suffer for the rest of eternity.
