Page 91 of Tethered Souls
“Yes.”
I look up at the ceiling, my chest feeling like it’s being crushed in. I struggle to breathe, struggle to think. For so long I thought I was the one who broke this family, who was the abomination Father couldn’t bear to love. And all this time… All this fucking time it washer. And she let me believe…
I close my eyes. Draw in a deep breath and hold it until my lungs ache. Until my desire to scream finally goes away. But now something is niggling at the back of my mind. I run after it, focus on it, drag it kicking and screaming into the light because I can’t ignore it anymore.
“Did you fuck someone else?” I ask as I look at her. “Is that how you learned you didn’t love him? Am I…” I stop, swallow, then force myself on. “Is he even my father?”
Her eyes widen. “Of course he is! I’d never cheat on him, Varius.”
“So why don’t I have any magic? You and Father are two of the strongest witches of your generation. There’s never been asinglewitch without magic.”
“I don’t know.”
“Yet, you neveroncetook me to see anyone about it.”
“There’s no one to take you to.”
“But why didn’t you even try? You never reached out to anyone about it. You just accepted that I was a freak.”
“Varius –”
“Why didn’t you try?” My tone rises, so I bite it back. Wait until I’m back in control, my chest heaving, my hands shaking. “If you really don’t know why I don’t have magic, then why did you never try to fix me?”
“There’s nothing to fix.”
“I’m an abomination! My own Family has tried to kill me because of it. Khalid just had to kill Uncle Myers and Vinny because of it! How can you say there’s nothing to fix?”
Tears fall down her cheeks. She stares at me in silence for a long moment before she whispers, “Your father almost killed you when you were only a baby.”
My heart stops along with my breath.
“It was an accident,” she hurriedly adds, then swallows. “He had a nightmare, and he didn’t know… He hit you with his magic. I couldn’t…” She shakes her head; tears splatter down onto the floor. “You were in so many pieces.” She lifts her chin, her eyes pleading with mine. “But there’s a spell – dark magic where you can trade one’s magic for a second chance at life.”
A chill runs down my spine as my hands tremble. “You made me a freak.”
“I had to to save your life, Varius. You’re my son. I love you, and Caden… He wouldn’t have survived knowing he killed you. You were our first after so long...”
I swallow down the lump in my throat. “Did you really ask him to leave?”
She hesitates for a second, her pain so agonizing to see. “No.”
All strength leaves my legs, and I don’t know how the fuck I stay standing.
“He didn’t know what he did to you that night. He was still asleep. I cleaned you up and the room, but when you didn’t hit your ascension, I had to tell him. It destroyed him. He couldn’t look at you without guilt, and he hated that I kept that from him.”
A harsh breath leaves me as my thoughts spin. “That’s why I can’t even use a fucking premade?” I say.
She nods. “I’m sorry.”
“But the magic’s still in me…” I say slowly, my paranoia settling back in, trying to pick holes in everything she says, to discern any lies.
Fuck, I fucking want to believe she’s lying.
“That’s part of the spell. It’s a Tantalus situation.” Named after the Greek king of Sipylus who’s being punished in Hades’ Underworld. He is standing in a pool of water he can never drink from while dying of thirst.
My chest hurts, but there is one flickering light in all this pain. “Will my kids…”
“It won’t affect them,” she says, her voice not wavering for the first time tonight. It’s strong, honest, utterly certain.
