Page 87 of Tethered Souls
“We don’t know if I’m incapable of passing down the shadow magic until our firstborn is in their teens. We don’t have thirteen years to waste when we’re on the verge of war.” His voice is utterly flat, a heartless monotone. “We need the soldiers.”
“That’s barbaric,” I whisper.
“I know.” And in those two words, I hear everything. His frustration at what he can’t change. His terror about what he will lose. His uncertainty over whether he can really go through with letting his own children die.
“If that happens...run with me,” I say. “I have a network. They’ll hide us.” I swallow, everything inside me wanting to take those words back, keep the secret about the kids Dayne and I’ve rescued under lock and key. But I need to convince Varius that running is a viable option, or he’ll never go for it.
“Khalid…” He stops, but he doesn’t need to spell it out.
The reaper will have their DNA.
He’ll be able to kill them from any distance.
I shake my head slowly. “You picked me because of my speciality,” I say, feeling so fucking sick that my attempt at a good deed has led tothis.
He doesn’t say anything.
“Did you not?” I demand.
“Mother picked you.”
“Your mother?” Angry tears burn my throat as I scoff. “Yourfucking mother? Because of that though, right? She thought I would be fine with it because I take jobs killing kids.”
“I think so.”
“You think –” I cut myself off as I stare at the monster in front of me because he’s unable to hold my gaze. His eyes are open and pointed at me, but there is an absence in them. A devastation. He is as stuck in this life as I am, and my heart aches for the boy who can’t escape his chains.
“So Sau is okay with killing her own grandkids?” I ask, my voice raw.
He shakes his head. “She’s convinced my magic will pass down.” But Varius isn’t. I can hear it in the tightness of his words.
“Why?” I ask, and for a moment I’m not sure what I’m asking. Why is she so certain? What does she know? “Why are you telling me now?”Why tell me at all when I’m just a womb?
My lungs stop working as I wait for his answer, feeling the pinpoint edge we're balanced on. The silence stretches, grows taut and heavy until it’s damn near unbearable. My heart stutters as I realize he doesn’t know. The words just came out, his conscience demanding that there’re no secrets between us. Cupping his face in my hands, I rasp, “We can stage both our deaths. We can run away together.”
The shock in his eyes breaks something inside of me. “Why would you take me with you?” he murmurs.
Because you remind me of the kids I save. Because no one should have to suffer like this. But none of those words come out. None of them seem right because what I really want to say is…I don’t wantyouto die. I don’t want to loseyou.
My feelings for him twist in undecipherable knots. That pull between us draws taut, but I can’t pinpoint why. I know I don’t love him. I don’t even know if I really like him. But the flickers of depth I’ve seen in him, locked away under all his mountains of betrayal and pain and paranoia...they call to me.
We could have something one day.
He could become something so godsdamn important to me. I know that in the depths of my soul.
I start to answer, taking the courage of that first step. “I don’t –”
But a knock on the door interrupts me. A quick rap that instantly gives way to thewhooshof the wood swinging open. “It’s Khalid!” Sau says, breathless and terrified as she runs in. “I can feel him dying.”
Thirty
HIM
If Khalid dies, I could run with Micha.
The thought has me shoving her away and standing. She will never mean more to me than a brother, especially not Khalid. He has saved my life more times than I can count, not just by stopping assassination attempts and killing my enemies, but by being the only one I can trust.
As Micha turns to face the doorway, Talon skids into the room behind Mother.
