Page 61 of Tethered Souls
Blue-haired Double Ds over there, even though she is the wife of one of the capos, would absolutely get down on her knees for him right here, right now. In this crowded room. With her husband watching. As would Blonde Hair Model and Dressed Even Sluttier Than I Am Vixen.
Gods, he’s turning me into such a bitch.
Yet another reason why he’s an ass. I’m anice person.Like, seriously nice; not like one of those “nice guy” rapists who –
The back of my left hand suddenly burns in heartless mockery, and I’m jolted out of my thoughts. My throat tight, I drop my eyes from the ring to the stag tattoo right below it. Anice personwouldn’t have hurt that little girl. Anice personwouldn’t have ever taken the job. Wouldn’t have begged her father to turn her into an assassin just so she wouldn’t have to marry. Anice personwould’ve sacrificed her own life rather than choosing to take the lives of others. I might save a few kids here and there, but there are just as many that I don’t.
Kids that don’t wake up after I pull the trigger because my aim was off. Those are my failures. My sins.
Clenching my hand into a fist, I drop it.
But just as I start to convince myself that maybe I don’t deserve a happily ever after, I hear, “Hey, giiiirl, congrats on your engagement!”
My eyes light up as I spin towards Dayne. He is my happily ever after and the first to tell me the world doesn’t care about what you ‘deserve,’ only what you will make of it. So with my eyes on him, I shake away the dark thoughts that were trying to claw me down.
He wiggles his eyebrows as he approaches, reminding me I owe him a punch to the face. Just as I start to raise an arm though, I catch Sau’s stern gaze as she talks to someone across the room.
Dear fucking gods, it’s like she has radar for this shit.
Lowering my arm, I smile at him sweetly. “Step a bit to the right so I can hit you without Sau seeing.”
He laughs and steps to the left. The fucker.
I smile innocently at Sau. She raises an eyebrow slightly, a look of amusement on her face, but I’m not foolish enough to think I’m not being told off. My mother was Asian, and I’ve long learned that smiles meannothing.
Placing my hands demurely in front of me, I look at my bestie. “How has everyone been?” I ask as I incline my head at him, ladylike as Sau taught. Given he’s my only friend though, he knows by ‘everyone,’ I mean the kid I shot in the head a couple weeks ago. Perhaps those dark thoughts, that guilt hasn’t quite left me.
“Good.” He cocks his head to the side, his smile slipping a bit. “Well, you know.”
Yeah…I know.My eyes flick back to Varius as he walks across the room.
Consumed by pain and betrayal, they become terrified of being hurt again, so they survive the only way they know how – by shutting everything and everyone out. Accepting a hand here and there, only to fall even further back behind their walls, thinking they’re getting too soft. Too vulnerable to survive.
“They still talking?” I ask softly as I look back at Dayne.
“Single syllables.”
Better than some. Worse than others. My heart aches for him, hoping he is stubborn enough to turn out stronger. But only time will tell if that little boy survives what happened to him or suffers through it until he takes his own life.
“And how about you?” Dayne asks. “You planning any vacations soon? Maybe for Valentine’s Day?” AKA: do you want to run away with me?
My smile turns soft as I touch his arm. “Nothing yet.”Even if I’m irritated with him right now.
It probably doesn’t even vibrate, Micha!
Yeah, well, a fucking look every now and then don’t cost nothing!
Dayne stares at me as I argue with myself, seeing deeper than my words. I glance away just as his eyes widen.
“Micha,” he starts, his voice low in warning.
I shake my head. “Don’t. Please, Dayne. I need to believe in something or I’m going to go mad just being hiswomb.”
His jaw tightens as he struggles with wanting to tell me something – that I’m being an idiot. That a monster like Varius isn’t capable of love. Real love. That all he could ever give me is a twisted concept of it that will leave me broken and bleeding, how I am such a fuckingfoolto even wish for otherwise.
In the end, he nods sharply. “Just stay safe, Micha.”
Before I can answer, Maddox barges over, cutting right between us, and it’s only then I realize I still have a hand on Dayne. Orhadbefore I was so rudely forced to remove it. But where I scowl at Maddox, my bestie laughs.
