Page 47 of Paradox
“Satisfied?” I ask.
“For now.” He grins.
“Dr. E seemed pretty keen on taking Hailey. I’m thinking we might be getting a niece.”
“Yeah? He hasn’t said anything to me because he thinks I’d let it slip to shorty.”
“Guess we’ll find out in a couple months.”
“It’s going to be baby central around here. With how Venom and Emily go at each other, I won’t be surprised if they’re next.”
“Right. Reminds me of a couple I used to know.” I smirk.
“Just say the word, baby doll.” He winks, grabbing his crotch as he heads to the bathroom. “I’m always ready.”
Chewing on my lip, I contemplate his words. Once again, I’m the problem. The doctors cleared me for sex weeks ago, but with the babies and being tired all the time, I haven’t exactly felt up to it. I haven’t felt desirable either. I know Gage doesn’t care about the extra weight or what my body looks like, but I do. My body…everything’snot as… tight as it used to be. I hate that I feel like thisagain, but I can’t help it, can’t help feeling like I won’t satisfy him. The doctor warned me that on account of breastfeeding, it might take a bit longer to get aroused and I could also experience dryness. Then there’s the issue of my breasts. Gage has always loved them. Now they’re hard and swollen and constantly leaking. It’s great for my babies, but not so much for our sex life.
“What are you thinking about?” Gage’s voice pulls me from my thoughts.
“Nothing.” I brush him off, picking up my tablet once more.
“Babe.” He looks pointedly at the device.
Despite my morbid thoughts, he makes me giggle. I shake my head and set it aside, curling up next to him when he joins me in bed. “I know, I know. Book time’s over. Nice to see some things never change.”
I think about the night he said that—the night I spent in his bed at the clubhouse. The night heaskedme to stay. I remember how he resisted touching me. I wish he hadn’t. I wish I’d been more persuasive. That one night could have changed everything.
“It just seems so long since we had some alone time. I want you all to myself.”
“You shouldn’t have waited,” I whisper.
“What do you mean?”
“To make love. We shouldn’t have waited for my birthday. If you hadn’t….” I close my eyes, willing back the tears forming.
“Where is this coming from?” He sits up, taking me with him.
“I never told you this, but Deena… she said the only reason you wanted me was because I was a virgin. That’s why she did it.”
“Babe.” He cradles my face, forcing me to look at him. “That bitch was crazy. Whatever reason she thought she had was a figment of her imagination.”
“I know, but—”
“No buts. I wish to God it hadn’t happened, Raven. I’d give anything to be able to undo it, but where would we be if it hadn’t? Yeah, we had crazy chemistry, but you said that’s all it was. All those months we spent together after made me see everything I didn’t want to before.”
“I was a mess.”
“And I fell in love with you. I hate to admit it, but if I’d fucked you in the beginning, maybe we wouldn’t have made it this far.”
“I would have been another notch on the bedpost, huh?”
“Maybe. What happened—as horrible as it was—it’s just… our story. It got us here, to this point. It brought us closer and that…thatI’ll always be grateful for. It made us who we are.”
“Rage.”
“Rage,” he confirms, jaw clenching.
He’s right. Our life together has never been easy, and it probably never will be. We’re defined by what we’ve endured together. Everything that’s happened, we’ve handled as a team. Whatever is thrown our way, we’ll always come out on top, and stronger than ever.
