Page 8 of Under the Mistletoe
“You know, the new image and all.”
“Yeah, well, life’s not all about fancy clothes and cars.” Istare out the window at nothing in particular. I had to learn that lesson thehard way.
“No, it’s not.” After a pause, he continues, “So your momsays you work for a department store?”
“I’m the Purchasing Manager for a department storechain,”I clarify.
“Sounds impressive. What do you do?”
“There are a hundred and fifty stores all over the US, andI’m in charge of what goes on the racks and shelves.”
“Do you like it?”
“I love it. What about you?”
“I still have the lumberyard. I managed to turn thingsaround and we’ve been making a profit every year.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“Syd….”
I turn to face him when he stops. “What?”
“You got what you wanted. Despite how things ended with us,I’m glad you chased your dream and caught it.”
“Thank you.” I swallow hard at the sincerity in his voice.“Why didn’t you come with me, Jake?” I demand. “You could have come after. It…wedidn’t have to end.”
“Yes, it did. We wanted different things. You had stars inyour eyes, but you were the only star in mine, Syd.”
“Jake…” For the first time in years, tears for Jake Mastoncloud my eyes. “I didn’t forget you.”
“Yeah, all the calls and letters made that clear,” he says,sarcasm coloring his words.
“I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me. For months, Icried myself to sleep every night. I was miserable that first year. Then… thenI heard about you and Sue.”
“Sue loved me. I loved her, too, but not the way she wantedme to. She saw through it all and accepted me the way I was. It wasn’t fair toher and there’s no way I can make it up to her now.”
“We can’t change the past, Jake. We can only move on.”
“I know that now. It took way too long, but I think Ifinally get it.”
He swipes a tear from my cheek, his thumb moving slowly downto brush my bottom lip. My lids flutter closed, all those old sensations comingback to life. I never got over Jake, and if I understand what he’s trying tosay, he didn’t get over me either.
His touch disappears and so does all warmth. My eyes open,meeting his. I get a glimpse of the way those baby blues used to stare down atme, and decade-old doubts resurface.Did I make the right choice?I owehim more than an apology, but it’s all I can offer.
“I’m sorry. I know it means nothing now, but I’m sorry. Ileft you at the worst possible time to pursue something I now know could havewaited. You needed me and I wasn’t there for you. That’s what I regret themost. I wanted to call you… to come to your dad’s funeral, but… I doubt youwould have wanted either.”
“Thank you. You’re probably right. I wasn’t in a good placethen. I think it’s a good thing you didn’t.”
“I’m sorry,” I choke out through sniffles and sobs.
“It’s okay, Syd.” He nods slowly. “I should go.” He opensthe door, quickly retreating.
“Jake, wait!”
“I’ll see you tonight,” he reassures me with a weak smile.
“Tonight?”
